The 2009 Bite of Burnsville Lacks Many Sponsors
Err, that’s 2009 Bite of Burnsville (sorry about that!) which, according to this South Metro Town Brief from the Star Tribune, will take place in mid-February and include nearly no sponsors and tons of food from chain restaurants! Awesome.
I can already see that this event, which will of course be held at that stupid fucking waste of taxpayer dollars, the Performing Arts Center, will be a huge failure. How Burnsville’s Chamber of Commerce feels that such excellent representation such as the boring chains of Famous Daves, Let’s Dish, Milio’s, Qdoba and more will draw people willing to spend $40 each, I’ll never know. At first glance you might say, “but Bill, don’t you see people are going to come for entertainment and auctions, not just the varied chain food options that they plan to carry?” Well you could but you’d be wrong for one of several reasons:
1. Their absolutely fucking god awful website. It’s no wonder that they have nearly no sponsorship (as of this posting there are three sponsors in two different sections leaving four areas entirely blank) being that their website looks like it was done in 2000 and by a 6th grader. Seriously, if you’re going to have an event where you expect businesses to give you money and then sell their wares you should really think about splurging a bit to have someone competent build your website.
2. The fact that they have absolutely nothing listed under entertainment. Please correct me if I’m wrong but this is being held at the Performing Arts Center which is hailed as the second coming in arts/entertainment complexes which will attract talent from billions of miles away, right? Obviously not as with less than two months to go, they have nothing booked — or at least they aren’t telling us that they do.
3. Their auctions have nothing listed under them. Nothing makes someone want to go to an event that lists auctions as one of the big draw items than having nothing fucking listed. But they might get stuff from their three sponsors in the mean time right? You too could get a free bus trip to Treasure Island to spend money you don’t have because your taxes are up and you just paid $40 to eat shitty food and participate in a dead event.
4. This massive clusterfuck is taking place in the middle of February which happens to be one of the coldest times of the year! I don’t know why they didn’t take a hint from successful “Taste of Foo” events such as the ever so popular “Taste of Minnesota” and hold it in the summertime when it’s nice outside, but they didn’t. The only logical explanation for this is to add another bullet point to the grand opening of that spectacular waste of money and show everyone that by paying $40 more dollars into its coffers that it can be a really nice place to “overlook the gorgeous backdrop of Nicollet Commons Park” which will be covered in a layer of heavy snow and ice. Nice.
Someone involved with the Burnsville Chamber really needs to explain to me what they were thinking when they decided to advertise, in the Star Tribune, an empty website in 2008/2009. Why didn’t you add “Under Construction” GIF files with blinking lights too? I mean, if you’re going to be fucking assbackwards, might as well go for the whole thing, right?
My suggestion? Take this site down now and cancel the fucking event. It’s poorly planned, pointless, at the wrong time of year, and only exists to help Queen Moneybags kick off her stupid pet project.
Are you interested in this stupid event? If so, please explain to me why as I’d love to hear what I’m apparently missing from the information already provided. Comment on!
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December 30th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
ha, that’s funny. I never understand why people go to these “taste of blah blah blah” things. Especially in the ‘burbs. Really? Famous Daves? Where’s Chilis? Red Lobster? okay, I’m being mean. :) That’s your job!! Hahaahha Happy New Year buddy!
December 30th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Wait, is Chili’s going to be participating? I am SO there!
December 30th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Other than Chili’s being there, the only things that would get me to this event would be:
1. “I Heart Tasers” bumper stickers (with http://www.lazylightning.org printed underneath)
or…
2. The unveiling of the “www.lazylightning.org” plaque on a chair in the theater. So. Awesome.
December 30th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Wow. Just wow. Hard to believe they went live with the web site in that unfinished state. Bill, maybe you and I could eat some spicy Thai food and do a fire-breathing act (so at least they could list one thing under entertainment).
December 31st, 2008 at 12:46 am
Yikes. That’s embarrassing. I mean the event itself, and especially the website. If there are no sponsors at this point, I doubt the event will take place. I wanted it to be a cool event, but in order for it to be a cool event, we’d have to have more non-chain restaurants in Burnsville, and they’d have to offer something more interesting than frozen crap right off the Sysco truck. But hey, when did Chart House reopen?
December 31st, 2008 at 8:43 am
Agreed. The most glaring omission in my mind is what this event and its auction supports.
Beyond that, it’s difficult to fathom a planning committee of TWENTY all thinking this is a good time for this. The “two-story floor to ceiling windows” overlooking the park comment is laughable. It will be pitch black outside — all people will see is the reflection of themselves inside of the facility (which for that crew would be the highlight of the evening).
Even IF they line up entertainment and auction items beyond a free round of golf at Crystal Lake and dog grooming at Four Paws, I just can’t imagine anyone battling a 90-minute dead-of-winter commute like we’ve been dealing with all month long, gathering up the spouse and getting out to this on a Thursday night.
No thanks. I think I’ll take my $40 over to Ronin and feed my ENTIRE family of five.
December 31st, 2008 at 9:11 am
I added a screenshot to the post to show the lack of sponsorship — just in case some corporation is actually dumb enough to join in on the fun!
December 31st, 2008 at 9:12 am
MSPD,
OR…you could take that $40, feed your family ramen noodles and donate $37.50 to the http://www.lazylightning.org plaque!
Sincerely,
lazylightning fundraising committee
December 31st, 2008 at 9:44 am
Bill, just for fun, I wanted to take the counterpoint here. You know, try the “but hey maybe..” approach.
I got nuttin’.
I can’t disagree, not even a tiny bit, with a word you said here.
December 31st, 2008 at 10:04 am
Ok…I am usually a lurker on this blog, but Bill has some good points, and I enjoy a good read..so I am responding for once. Being an Eagan resident who happens to fall into into the not so desired ISD 191, I generally follow the on-goings of the south metro. I must say the Burnsville Bite website is actually embarrassing. Pages empty, lack of information, and the interface of a starter kit. Really, the whole idea is asinine. Food sampling? Really? What more can you expect from a 3rd or 4th ring suburb? If you want good food you don’t eat in Burnsville, AV, Lakeville or Eagan for that matter. Although I do enjoy the Roasted Pear which is locally owned and run. Drive 15 minutes to St. Paul and enjoy some real food. Burnsville is really a mess. I actually almost bought in Hellville 4 years ago. The traffic congestion, poor planning, and the whole Heart of the City project turned me off. I bought in Eagan, which is not much better (in my opinion), but seriously it’s decades ahead of Hellville or Happy Valley. If I could afford to take a huge loss on my over taxed property I would be living in St. Paul. I was stupid when I young, don’t hold that against me.. Ok…back to the point of this post. Seriously cancel the event. No one is going to $40.00 to go to this event. It’s a really bad idea. Since it’s now Winter, they should have done a wine tasting event or something, which would at least bring out some of the rich bitches to try some wine and show off the new fur.
Ok off my pony now.
December 31st, 2008 at 10:24 am
Hey Marcos…I already pledged my plaque money. Quit trying to extort me for more.
But I just had a thought….and this one is free. Bill, why don’t you donate to the silent auction — “Blogger for a Day”. You offer up space on here for the winner of the auction to write a guest article. It would be free to you and lazylightning.org would get “Recognition on the Silent Auction Tables” and “Recognition in Print Event Program & BITE Web Site”. Even if nobody bids.
December 31st, 2008 at 10:28 am
I’d prefer that I remain the only person submitting content but I certainly would certainly entertain a similar idea as long as I was doing the writing. Thoughts/ideas?
December 31st, 2008 at 10:30 am
I meant to add: there might have to be disclaimer/warning (in big red letters) that I would retain all artistic freedom — that might guarantee no bidding ;)
December 31st, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I think the city of Burnsville lied about how safe our drinking water is….. it contains high levels of “stupidity”.
January 1st, 2009 at 11:55 am
I haven’t logged on to the site, but does it really say “beNn gracious enough to support the 2009 bite of BurnsvilleS”?
January 1st, 2009 at 3:19 pm
I just logged on to the site, and it’s on my birthday!!
January 2nd, 2009 at 8:21 am
“The annual Bite of Burnsville showcases the cuisine of 20 of the areas (sic) great restaurants, featuring nearly 40 tasty dishes to sample, as well as beverages & entertainment, huge live and silent auctions.”
I’m with Jorn. Tried to find any redeeming qualities for attending, and find none. Even if there is a huge turnout – why spend $40 to eat warmed over food? For $80, a couple can sit down at a restaurant, eat off of non-paper, full sized plates, not have to wait at “20″ tables to get a bite of food, not get jostled around by the other attendees, and make menu and wine selections that are not pre-determined. Ok, there’s the “social” aspect, but really, I’d rather go to a restaurant with a group of friends, sit, know that we are all going to get what we want, and not be running from here to there to get mini plates of food all night.
How can the site profess to put on “huge live and silent auctions” when it appears that no items have been put out there to bid on?
I’m predicting, however, that the post-event press release will indicate the event was a “huge” success, with “hundreds” of people in attendance. That number will, of course, include the servers, barkeeps, delivery people, janitors, etc.
January 3rd, 2009 at 3:25 am
So who’s putting this thing on? The city?
February 11th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Check out the updated list of auction items. http://www.burnsvillechamber.com/Bob/Auctions/Auctions.htm
It almost (I said ALMOST) makes me want to go to see what the “I Love Burnsville” package sells for. Also, note the fact that its held at the BPAC, but they are auctioning off packages to the Old Log Theatre, Chanhassen Dinner Theatre, the Comedy Cabaret, St. Paul Chamber Orchestra, Hopkins Center for the Performing Arts, the Ordway, and ComedySportz – all of which compete with BPAC for those entertainment dollars! And all of which go against the prime selling point for the BPAC that its “so close by and we don’t have to drive.”
I see there are MN Roller Girls tickets on the list too…
June 25th, 2009 at 11:28 am
[...] every “Taste Of” event in the South Metro with both the Taste of Lakeville and the Bite of Burnsville events being dominated by chain restaurants, some of which weren’t even from the respective [...]
June 26th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Wouldn’t it be more efficient if they just called this event “Burnsville Bites”