According to this article in the StarTribune, families that eat together enjoy an overall healthier lifestyle. However with so many families experiencing life running away from them in any number of directions, how can everyone enjoy the supposed benefits of family meal time while still meeting the expectations of our current way of life?
From the article:
Sept. 26 marks the 10th anniversary of Family Day: A Day to Eat Dinner With Your Family, launched by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University. According to the center’s research, kids who eat meals more frequently with their parents are less likely to smoke, drink or use drugs. They are also more likely to do well in school and have better self-esteem.
[...]
In 2010, Search Institute surveyed 89,000 kids nationally in grades six through 12 on the subject of family meals; 46 percent reported they eat five or more meals with their families each week while 24 percent said they ate once per week (or less) with their families.
When I was growing up there were very few days, and I could probably count them on two hands and two feet, where we did not sit down as a family to have dinner together. While it is obviously much easier when the family is so very small, never-the-less it was surprising to see so few families eating together as frequently as I remember doing so growing up. With that sort of background in mind and an identical small family size, I am doing the same thing in my own house with my family and I cannot imagine doing it any other way.
But as mentioned above, with the way families exist nowadays it has to be difficult to get in those family meals and avoid all the negative consequences associated with not eating together as a family. So the question for you is this: what do your families do to ensure that meals are eaten together frequently? If you aren’t able to have more than one or two meals together a week how do you include healthy eating options in your dinners and provide your families with the positives which are generally attributed to eating together? Do you think that the article and cited research makes some pretty big leaps and that eating together really doesn’t do anything they claim? Whatever you have to say about this article go ahead and comment on as I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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September 19th, 2011 at 8:26 am
We’ve been emptynesters for a looong time. But my wife and I still set the table and eat mid-day and evening meals together, at the table, as often as possible. When our children make it home for visits we still gather around the table together for at least one big meal a day, if at all possible. We always tried to do that as the kids were growing up. Both of us grew up with that tradition – I think it’s a good one. I know some will argue that today’s schedules prohibit such – I say BS, it’s just a matter of making it a priority.
September 19th, 2011 at 9:59 am
We try to eat as a family as often as we can, but it is tough with the three work schedules. That said, we usually eat three different meals at the same time because of dietary restrictions (vegetarians – heh) and differing tastes. Good thing I love to cook…
September 19th, 2011 at 10:23 am
Our kids are little, so the schedule is basically up to us. However, we place a high value on eating as a family for weekend lunchs and all dinenr. No phone calls, TV or reading at the table. This is how I was raised and we plan to raise our kids this way too.
I second Chapter&Versus’ BS call on modern day schedules. If it is important, make it a priority. When you are older, what are you more likely to say: “I wish I sent more time with my family” or “I wish I sent more time in soccer practice”?
September 19th, 2011 at 10:29 am
I was an only child so my schedule was easily worked around but for those of you with multiple kids going in all different directions, how do you work it out and make it a priority?
I’m guessing that there is just no way that a family of 3 or more can work it out unless they’re eating at 10 PM.
September 19th, 2011 at 10:37 am
I call BS on the survey that says you need to eat together to keep your kids off of drugs/alcohol, etc.
It is important that you talk with your kids, and granted, that is really easy to do over dinner, but it is not exclusively the only place you can communicate. To date, our kids have mostly made good decisions in their lives, including the vices listed above. In the past 10 years, we probably average 2-3 days a week in which we are sitting down for a meal, though that is more often at a restaurant than at home, especially with one of them now living at school.
For those that can work it to sit down for dinner every day with your family, good for you. I hardly think it is a deal breaker for raising a productive child.
September 19th, 2011 at 10:39 am
Spoken like someone who raised kids in a different era from today.
That aside….kids and families are going to develop their sense of support, self-esteem, values, and family dynamics with or without eating meals together.
My opinion is that dinners together are more a by-product of a family that already has strong core values rather than some sort of significant contributing factor.
I think the “families that eat together every night” being a driver of health, self-esteem, support is a gross oversimplification.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Nailed it, MSPD, I’m old. But parents can adjust to the kids schedule… late dinner – so be it. IF it’s a big priority. If not, whatever works.
September 19th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
C&V, this was my hint: “We’ve been emptynesters for a looong time.”
September 19th, 2011 at 1:47 pm
It’s all about priorities. If the priority is to have your kids in lots of activities and lessons and running here and there, then you won’t eat dinner together. If the priority is spending time together as a family, then eating dinner together is probably going to be one way to do that. My wife just read a great book entitled Boys Should Be Boys by Dr. Meg Meeker. Her thesis was that what boys (and kids in general) need most are not organized sports, lessons, groups, and play dates but rather their parents. Eating dinner together is a great way to show your kids that spending time together as a family is a priority. Of course the corollary is false. There’s nothing magical about eating dinner together. It is what happens around the dinner table and the message that is sent by spending that significant amount of time together that are most important.
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September 19th, 2011 at 1:51 pm
No children, so I’m not faced with multiple schedules to juggle. The husband and I eat dinner together 98% of the time, though we almost always eat in the living room while watching tv. I’m not sure if that counts as quality family time. We do sit around the table for breakfast together every morning.
As a kid, my family of 6 usually ate at the same time around the table. We didn’t really talk about how our day went or about any big world issues, but I think it was still beneficial to have that time together. If I had children, I’d try to make it a priority.
September 19th, 2011 at 1:55 pm
When I was growing up, my dad worked nights and my mom worked days, so we only ate together once/week (Sunday dinner). Otherwise, my brother and I sat at the table without either parent. I don’t know how much it affected our behavior; we follow a pretty traditional eldest/youngest child template. But we both have close relationships with our parents and eachother, so I guess it all worked out.
I don’t have kids, so it’s pretty easy for just my husband and I to sit down together at the table. We usually do. I find that whether or not we eat at the table has a direct correlation to how much effort it took to make the meal. If we were thoughtful about what we were making, we tend to be thoughtful about how we consume it. If we’re eating junk food (ie., convenience food), we tend to eat on the couch. It’s hard to predict how that will go once there are kids in the picture…I would like to think that there will be very little convenience food, and a lot of eating at the table.
September 19th, 2011 at 2:08 pm
I wish we ate together more frequently, but it really is a crazy schedule with work, etc. My daugther is in her last year of college so it is rare if I even see her during the day, let alone eat with her. On the plus side, without fixing many family meals it is easier to diet… Minus 24 pounds so far :-)
September 19th, 2011 at 2:15 pm
We do supper at night together unless someone has an event in the evening. Only two of us, which is nice. There is no TV nearby and I try and leave any other technology away from the table.
Sunday we’ll usually catch up on TV in the evening with supper in the living room..
That’s about it.. we’re boring :)
September 19th, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Patti, congrats!!!
September 19th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
As a parent of three young kids (two in youth sports and one who is not old enough yet), it IS possible if you make it a priority and plan ahead. The latest that either kid gets home from a game or practice on a weeknight is 8 pm, so those nights, they eat a decent snack after school and we all have a light dinner at 8 pm. Other nights it’s more like 6 pm. Maybe once a week, if that, we don’t all eat dinner together.
I agree that it isn’t something “magical” about eating a meal together but rather that fact the parents are available to talk during that time, and the families that make eating dinner together a priority are probably the type that are more involved with their kids in general.
September 19th, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Welcome to the fray, b3!
September 19th, 2011 at 3:34 pm
I take exception to this generalization. What about the parents who make raising their children so that they grow into good people a priority? It has nothing to do with where they eat meals. I have had more “life direction” discussions with my kids while driving in our car that I probably have had when stuffing my face with food.
There is no right or wrong, there are only results and even then those are subjective.
September 19th, 2011 at 3:48 pm
We probably eat together 3 nights a week. I’m at something or another at least once a week, Mrs S is away once a week, getting in three at minimum I think is a pretty decent. We never have the TV on when we eat.
I didn’t grow up that way, I am only child and hated sitting with my folks eating dinner, just us three. Vacations BTW, even worse. Not that we talked much, mostly just stared at each other.
I would point out that as the kids grow up, there’s less talking at the dinner table and more shoveling food in hand over fist to hurry up the meal so they can bold and try to forget about the whole eating with the folks experience.
It’s too awful to think about.
September 19th, 2011 at 3:54 pm
So, following your link I see that I commented on this topic for Who Does The Shopping. And even there, I reported that growing up I hated eating with my folks. Glad to see I’m consistant, it did suck on many levle. s
September 19th, 2011 at 3:58 pm
H and I used to be very, very good about eating together, we had a rule that unless it was takeout, we ate at the table and talked. Takeout/delivery meant we could eat in front of the TV. Oddly, since we moved out of our apartment and into our first home, we’ve slid down the slope and now eat in front of the TV at almost all times. We also have been eating very differently lately, and rarely eat together. We keep saying we’re going to get back on track, but we haven’t yet.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:23 am
We eat togther nearly every night, unless one of us is gone for some reason, or if Erin and I are going out sans Annie.
Like Bill, when I was growing up we always ate together and there were 5 kids, so it was a larger group. I don’t think I appreciated it at the time, but I really did enjoy it. No TV and we didn’t answer the phone during dinner either, which I plan to do as well when Annie (and other kid(s) ;) are older.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:34 am
Like Ben said, we usually eat together – I’d say probably 4-5 nights a week we’re all there. For awhile, we fed Annie and then we ate after she went to bed, but we stopped that once she was more on table food. It is a mad rush sometimes to get dinner ready by 5:30-6pm but it’s been going fine so far. As she and other KID (no s) get older, I’d like to try to do dinners together at least 4 nights a week.
I think it’s a good goal, but not something people need to get themselves all up in a tizzy about if it doesn’t work because of conflicting schedules. It’s more important to find some time to be present and available for your family, regardless of if that’s around a dinner table or not, although I DO think it helps to establish healthy eating habits to eat as a family and not mindlessly eat in front of a TV or book.
Growing up, dinner was always around 5:30 whether everyone was there or not. Usually we all were. The TV was always on, and my main memory is always trying to use my head to block my sister’s view of the screen, but without her realizing that I was doing it intentionally. I now think the sound of the TV as background noise is basically like nails on a chalkboard, so there will be a no TV rule during dinner in our house. When I was in high school, during debate season (Sept – Jan), I was rarely home for dinner and would just eat when I got home most days – no one ever seemed to think this was any tragedy and I was a pretty good kid.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Next LL poll.
How many more kids are Erin and ben going to have? Erin says one. ben says more than one. Let the readers decide!
September 20th, 2011 at 2:02 pm
And after it’s confirmed that Erin gets her way as wives always do, we can all forward our recommendations to Ben for our favorite urologists for his upcoming vasectomy.
September 21st, 2011 at 4:31 pm
When growing up my mother stayed at home, and as such was the betty crocker of her time. She organized the meals, and my old school dad demanded it and my brother and I sat at the table and cleared are plates before we could leave.
My parents divorced, my brother and I grew up. With my mom having custody but now having to work full time, the meals became less betty crocker like, though Mom did continue to bake and try to make meals. As we got older, the preparation of the meals started to wane. Visting Dad’s every other weekend found the same thing with more food on the run, and less scratch made dinners. Even after he and my mom re-married, never like our youth.
When I started my family, we were young and dumb, and I worked days and she worked nights. My wife watched the kids during the day and I watched them at night and weekends. We did that for about 6 years until I had started to make enough income that she could quit working retail and just do daycare for a couple kids in the apartment building. Through that time we really only had a couple times a month where we all were around a table eating together.
These days with one kid moved out, and the other working full time, weekends and a couple week days a month we actually will sit down around the dining room table and eat together.
All that said, after the last night of a nearly one hour long session of washing dishes and cleaning up after an around the dinner table dinner, I believe what has killed such dinners from being regular events is all the dishes generated.
My mom just started clearing out old cook books she doesn’t plan to use anymore. My sister (she is 15 years younger than me) has claimed dibs on them.