According to this Dakota County Criminal Complaint, a twelve year old boy was sent home from school and was punished by his father with a total of 9 strikes of a belt. Following this he was later charged with Gross Misdemeanor Malicious Punishment of a Child.
From the complaint:
Police spoke with the twelve year old child. The child told police his father, Terrill Montel May I, picked him up from school on November 11, 2012, after he got in trouble at school. May then took the child back to May’s residence located on Kruse Street, West St. Paul, Dakota County, Minnesota. Once back at May’s residence, the child explained that May punished him for misbehaving at school. He said May grabbed a belt and struck the child approximately seven times in the area of his buttocks. The child indicated he began to cry and told May that it was starting to hurt. He said May responded that it was supposed to hurt and then proceeded to strike the child twice more with belt.
According to the complaint, the son’s mother was notified by the child that he had been spanked by his father for getting in trouble at school. The mother noticed he had trouble sitting, requested he show her his rear-end, and then noticed bruising on his buttocks and legs.
Now, we’ve had this discussion many times: when we were children we were scared that our parents would do just this to us. While perhaps empty threats, it kept us in line and we weren’t willing to test the boundaries of the threat. The best way to ensure boundaries are not tested is to follow through with the threats; however, did this father take it too far? At what point do you believe it becomes “malicious punishment” when a parent uses a belt on their children? What did you think of the father saying, “it’s supposed to hurt,” and then hitting the child twice more for good measure? Do you think the child is thankful for his father being charged with this so that it probably won’t happen again? Whatever you have to say about this one go ahead and comment on as I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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November 23rd, 2012 at 12:32 pm
I know form my own experience that spankings, etc. did not make me not want to do something I wasn’t supposed to… all it did was make me be more creative in covering up my shenanigans.
November 23rd, 2012 at 2:16 pm
In today’s world, did this adult go too far? Yes. If this was 1972 instead of 2012 would this adult have gone too far? No. How many generations does it take to correct adult behavior to fit with changes in society norms? Longer than many would like. What happens to those that change slower than the majority? Hopefully they eventually stand out enough that society has an opportunity to accelerate the changes. This child hopefully will be the last in this branch of the family to have to endure this.
We know so much more about child development, what is going on in their brain and how best to influence their growth. It’s been proven that violent action involving pain is not the best way to correct child behavior. But we still have a couple more generations to go I believe. And that’s in America. A large part of the world still sees pain and suffering as the best way to get your point across to a child.
November 23rd, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I am afraid that the father will take out his frustrations over the legal stuff on the child and/or other members of the family. While I grew up in a era when physical discipline certainly happened, I believe there were “rules” that otherwise intelligent parents were supposed to follow, such as: Never touch a child in anger, and: It is supposed to frighten them, not hurt them.
Whaling on your kid for getting into trouble is a terrible thing to do. Leaving marks is particularly disgusting.
November 23rd, 2012 at 3:53 pm
Methods of discipline shouldn’t involve an instrument, IMO.
November 24th, 2012 at 12:20 am
I agree that hopefully as time goes on this becomes less acceptable. While violence sometimes begets violence, hopefully if someone intervenes in time, the cycle can be broken. I hope that’s the case for this boy.
I was never beaten as a child, nor did I beat or even spank my kids. Sure, they pissed me off many times and tested me, but I stood firm and realized I was the parent and didn’t need to resort to physical force. Instead I used constant positive reinforcement. I felt like a broken record, but I didn’t give up even though at times it was exhausting to repeat for the millionth time to do something or not do something.
There were times I yelled, but even then I saved “that voice” for times when it was only absolutely necessary, like when my kid tried to run across the street without looking. I’m mild-mannered enough that hearing “that voice” was enough to make him freeze like a deer in the headlights. :) It was so out of the ordinary for me that it really upset him, but it worked and stopped him from running out onto Diffley Rd. Had I been a constant yeller, he would have tuned me out and most likely have gotten hit.
Today they’ve grown into well-behaved kids (teen and pre-teen) with manners who still have their occasional moments, but so far haven’t given me much trouble and I feel are good role models. We just take it one day at a time. I truly, truly love being a parent and hope this boy has a positive figure to look to for guidance.
November 24th, 2012 at 6:17 pm
my dad drove a greyhound bus for 35 years. part of his uniform was a 2″ or so wide belt with a large buckle in the shape of the ‘hound’. all he had to do was to reach for the leather, and i’d cringe in the corner saying ‘never again dad’. maybe a swat or two, never drawing blood or keeping me from sitting down.
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