Damn you lefty. You did it again.

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I saw that. That is pretty easy to do when your bar is ranked among the top bars in America. I’d think it would be cooler if Steak America broadcast the Lazy Lightning reviews at their restaurant. That would take real balls.

lefty

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Lefty – there’s also a joint in SD that broadcasts shitty reviews in their bathroom.

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This mocks the website which must not be named.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEdXhH97Z7E&feature=player_embedded

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Contains some interesting “stats”

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Spotting these things is fairly easy. Bill you have a good start. Here’s what gets my alarm bells ringing:

- Review is on Yelp or Urbanspoon. That immediately casts doubt.

- New username/first post. No introduction, no “I found this site looking for information on….”, nothing explaining their motivation for all of a sudden becoming an online reviewer. People rarely just launch onto a site with a detailed “review” or story of an experience out of the blue. Especially rare that they’ll come to a site like LazyLightning and just launch blindly into a legitimate review/comment.

- Level of praise disproportionate to the item. Bill touched on it, but when someone goes on and on about how fries or a grilled cheese sandwich was the “best they ever had” or was so good it would cure cancer, you know it’s fake.

Example 1: Shannon M (AKA “Tasting Tinctures” girl) on Lone Oak Grill. She was outed as the high school classmate of the owner’s wife and good friend of the owner (and I would bet dined with the owner’s wife and got her meal comped):

“I ate the hot jalapeño juicy Lucy burger, and had to order a glass of milk to cool down my mouth! The flavor was awesome, the burger perfectly medium as I ordered. I paired my entree with perfect sweet potato fries and aioli dipping sauce. I snuck bites of my companion’s fries, and they were very well seasoned and freshly fried”

Example 2: Maria Peerboom, from Pita Plus/aka her family’s restaurant on Urbanspoon:

“WOW…. this is the most amazing place we have been to in a long time. The Gyro Sandwich was perfection and the BBQ Beef melted in my mouth….. so tender and perfect. Loved how friendly everyone was there…. felt like family. Can hardly wait to go back and try one of everything on the menu!”

- Way too much knowledge about the owner, owner’s background, owner’s plans, etc.

Example from our favorite loser, Bob Kadrlik (owner of Dominick’s) who got completely owned on this site:

“As a regular at Dominick’s pizza I can tell you for fact that they are not using any of the old recipes that the old owner used. My teammates and I were actually invited in by the new owners to taste many of the changes…..Bob and Nich (new owners) wanted a sauce that had flavor and that stood out, so again they called us in again and had us try the changes. What a difference! I know that the Bella owner used to own Dominick’s but make no mistake about it Dominick’s pizza is not even close to the place that it was…..Bob used to run hotel kitchens as well as a few other restaurants. He even made us special desserts for our homecoming dance. They do a lot for our school and athletic program. They couldn’t be bigger fans or supporters of our school!”

- Too much knowledge about other stuff. Example: “You can check their website for their happy hour, but I think it’s 3-6 p.m. Monday-Thursday, 3-8 on Friday, and 11-3 on Saturday (closed Sunday).” Or, “I hear they are going to start having a baked potato bar next month and they’re going to have sweet potatoes on it as well as regular!”. The hours thing shows up way more often than you would think.

- Praise for everything except one personal-preference negative about an obscure item. “Everything was amazing! Well, except for the spinach side dish which was perfectly prepared, but I just don’t like spinach that much. Next time I will substitute for their incredible french fries!!!”

- “I can’t wait to go back and try everything on the menu”. 100% fake.

- Knowing precisely how many of something are available. Again, the Lone Oak Grill “wow…34 tap beers and 30 bourbon options, including two made specifically for the restaurant”. Unless it’s “secret blend of 12 herbs and spices, or 31 flavors of ice cream, nobody pays attention to this shit or can recite it after one visit unless they work there or are fed lines by their pal (the owner).

- Glowing hyperbole and disproportionate praise about the service.

Now….occasionally there are probably-fake-but-maybe-just-totally-clueless reviews. Some hallmarks:

- Things are “tender and cooked to perfection”. Nobody…and I mean NOBODY talks like that. Well, unless they are writing a commercial, marketing piece, or a very amateurish/likely-fake review.

- Use of the phrases “highly recommend” or “I will definitely be back” (note: definitely is almost always spelled wrong.

- Too much talk about a restaurant’s “atmosphere” unless it’s a high-end or particularly unique restaurant. Very, very few restaurants have a notable “atmosphere”. I can think of maybe 2-3 places in the entirety of Dakota County that I would think have a remotely noteworthy “atmosphere” and not only in a positive way.

I’m probably forgetting a few (and I feel like I’ve posted this before on here).

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1. He gets in the good graces of people here by posting mostly credible stuff even though he is a left wing crackpot.

2. After gaining this false sense of trust, he brings up the gourmet Pizza Joint that he probably secretly owns about every third day.

Watch out for these sneaky bastards.

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Yesterday I planed to sit beside the fire and read about restaurants on the Lazy Lightning website. Instead, I spotted NPR’s food blog, The Salt, and decided we should check it out!! The Salt has informative content and is one of the most relevant resources in the food blogosphere in the entire universe! The elegant website offers great stock photography and intern-produced graphics, and even offers selected audio for those not interested in reading. I had such a blast reading the recent article, “Five Ways To Spot A A Fake Online Review,” that I wish they had fifty ways! Notice how The Salt blog hasn’t had a grand opening yet? ORLY? Maybe it’s because, despite being the best food blog in the entire universe, they are not satisfied until they raise the bar for food blogging to a level not even comprehendable by today’s humans. As far as Shankar Vedantam, his name sounds much less dirty on the radio compared to Jean Cochran and David Folkenflik. My overall experience at The Salt, NPR’s Food Blog, was phenomenal!!! I definitely enjoyed reading it!

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The information NPR posts is more of a “here’s how to read online reviews of anything for the internet illiterate crowd.”

Take Amazon reviews which will have a 1 star rating because “Amazon” didn’t deliver their thing to the right door. Or because they though the shirt was too small, even though sizing is clearly explained.

My favorite is when a recipe gets a really good or really bad review and the reviewer explains that they changed 7 things in the recipe. I was recently reading a bad review of a bread recipe where they changed the flour and made it vegan, then said the recipe didn’t work. No shit.

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