My wife and I arrived at Anthony’s Parkway Grille in Burnsville (location of what used to be Benchwarmer Bob’s) at about 6:15 to find an absolutely packed house. There was a 15 to 20 minute wait which ended up being a 45 minute wait. Usually not a surprise on a Friday night for a new restaurant but after reading some of the online reviews, including those that were posted here soon after the place opened, I was a bit surprised to find the place as packed as it was. After realizing that we were only going to be a table of four we were finally seated at just before 7. This was fine by me as it gave time for Art and I to enjoy a non-happy hour Summit EPA for $5.25 (22 or 23 oz).
The menu, as others have mentioned before (see above) was limited. It was a single page of bar food appetizers, burgers, “seafood”, pasta, and some red meat options like overpriced prime rib and ribs. While several items were highlighted haphazardly, when I asked the waiter what that meant he replied that it was to draw your attention to it and to give a design element–in other words, it was just there because… Looking over the menu for nearly 10 minutes I was completely unable to come up with a choice that really jumped out at me as interesting. Not one single menu item grabbed my attention at all and I resorted to asking our waiter for advice. This was my first mistake as the gentleman was happy to offer up two or three items (out of three or four) out of every section which was awesome. Following his extended ranting about how great and meaty the Beef Stroganoff was, I decided on that. Art went with the full rack of ribs, my wife with the chicken quesadilla appetizer, and Art’s wife with the Parkway Burger. Art and I also split an order of their “hot” Buffalo wings appetizer which Art specifically asked to be as hot as they can make them.
Eventually my wife’s side salad (which was much better than what was served to her at Molly Cool’s Seafood Tavern) and our wings came out. A decent portion of wings, these were your very standard small-sized Frank’s doused wings with a cup of bleu cheese and a couple of thinly sliced carrot and celery sticks. These weren’t anything spicy or special and in fact, I commented about how Art and I really need to make our grilled wings again–at least those were worthy of the “hot” title.
After a bit of a wait our entrees came out. My wife’s chicken quesadilla was large but tasted more like sauteed green peppers than anything. It was accompanied by two large cups–one with a healthy dollop of sour cream, the other with a boring, likely Sysco, salsa that was just as boring as their menu. The dish was supposed to include some jalapenos and while my wife said she tasted a hint of them in there, I couldn’t detect the slightest hint of them at all as the dish was absolutely dominated by the sauteed peppers.
Art’s ribs were fucking huge. A nice full rack that was slathered with BBQ sauce that included a side of crispy and bright green beans. He couldn’t finish them and then cut off three for me. He mentioned earlier that the sauce was too sweet and while I didn’t think that, at least not compared to last night’s “Sweet BBQ” at Baldy’s BBQ in Lakeville, they were undercooked (they needed to go at least another hour and while that’s fine when I’m in a rush cooking them in the oven at home on a weeknight–as I did earlier this week–it is completely un-fucking-acceptable for a restaurant to serve what they did tonight). I really should not be tearing the meat off the bone with my teeth clenched. Both Art and I agreed that these were straight out of the box quality and in my opinion, any restaurant serving ribs on the menu should really know better. When Art asked for some hot sauce to make the BBQ sauce a little tastier, the waiter happily obliged and delivered a bottle of Tabasco. While Art did not specify what hot sauce to bring, any server with half a brain should have said, “hmm, something other than Tabasco might be a better choice.” We joked later that at least he didn’t bring a bottle of ketchup as this is Minnesota after all. After the waiter cleared our table Art said that he has never let half a plate of ribs go back in without taking them home in a box.
Art’s wife’s burger was good. It came with a large helping of fries, seemed to be cooked to the standard ordered, and came with some gorgeous looking onion rings. Not a single complaint was heard from her and we all agreed that it was nice that there was at least one good thing to say about one of our meals tonight.
My dinner, the beef stroganoff (it’s up at the top of the page) if you forgot–you know, the one that the waiter recommended more than the other 15 things he said were great–was, by far, the worst fucking meal I have ever had at a restaurant, ever. Now, I know that I resort to utilizing a lot of hyperbole here in my reviews to get my point across but perhaps this tidbit will clear it up for you: for the first time in my memory I didn’t eat more than 1/2 of my meal and I didn’t even have it boxed up for the next day–it was seriously atrocious. After it arrived, I took a bite which included a piece of meat, a few mushrooms, and some noodles. The forkful was flavorless aside from the char of the meat. The sauce was terrible, the fettuccine noodles (which they think is clever apparently) were slimy, and the mushrooms might as well have been out of a can as they had absolutely no taste whatsoever. This “meaty” dish had 15 child-sized bits of meat (I fucking counted them) which may have made up a single McDonald’s hamburger. They were chewy, dry, and tasted only of char. I could not believe I pushed it away and opted to eat a terrible chicken quesadilla instead.
I honestly don’t even know how this place has stayed open even this first month. The food was so fucking god awful that they might want to consider delivering empty 5 gallon buckets to each person at the table in case they feel the sudden urge to purge themselves of what is easily and hands down beaten by an expired and freezer burned frozen dinner tray from Hungry Man. If that doesn’t clue you into the fact about how absolutely hideous the food was, let me be quite blunt:
This is the worst dinner entree I’ve ever had at a restaurant and I highly recommend that you spend your money anywhere but here. Seriously, I have eaten from surplus MREs made in the 1980s that tasted better than what I was served tonight.
Anthony’s Parkway Grille
251 W Burnsville Pkwy
Burnsville, MN 55337
See all the pictures from Anthony’s Parkway Grille on Flickr here.