Bioarmor Body Fuel’s Broccoli Cheese Soup
A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine asked me to join him for an evening at Old Chicago for free food and a presentation about making money with food. Never passing up anything for free while knowing full well this was likely going to be a Multilevel Marketing (MLM) presentation, I agreed and we sat through 1.5 hours of a laugh out loud presentation on how food is the world’s best investment commodity and how we should buy in to make returns like we would never see at a traditional financial institution.
Led by “Investment Advisor Representative” Jeffrey J. Peterson of Eau Claire, Wisconsin’s Seven Pillars Financial and Tax Advisory Group. A man “educated” at unaccredited Pensacola Christian College (seriously you have to read that) and who lists no industry certifications (CFP, CPA, etc), we were whisked into a world where investments in the stock market, mutual funds, and annunities were not going to provide the returns that a food product would. Preying upon the fears of those in the audience and using his association with the Christian faith in an attempt to appeal to those in the audience, Mr. Peterson was there only to provide the financial side of the discussion and introduce the real brains behind the product itself.
The other presenter, Mr. Derek Shenk, is a member of the Shenk family who are known for their MLM product, currently known as Nutriversal. Mr. Shenk noted in his presentation that he has a long history in the computer and graphics industries and that he is moving away from his family’s desire to hedge their bets on a business where the majority of what is sold comes canned and are delivered to those who are “afraid the sky is falling,” but instead to sell only their dehydrated products which have been repackaged as Bioarmor Body Fuel. It was this dehydrated food product which Mr. Shenk claimed would be sold to the governments of Israel for their military (a ten million dollar or ten million unit–depending on who was speaking–sale), the Bohemian Government (Bahamas) for everything from the “Minister of Tourism” to the “Minster of Agriculture”, and would have been delivered to Haiti following the fairly recent natural disaster there where they could have moved about $47 million in food product quickly. They see future applications in schools, sports, and even the retail market for about $7/package (two servings). Retail outlets mentioned by Derek Shenk for distribution of this product included Costco (even though earlier in the evening he mentioned Costco required a multimillion dollar inventory to even get in the door suggesting Bioarmor Body Fuels did not yet have such an inventory thus the need for the investment of those in attendance), QVC (also mentioned as requiring significant inventory), and Cabela’s.
With Derek Shenk’s excellent computer and graphics background it is no wonder he was able to develop the International Food Security (IFS) website which is what Bioarmor Body Fuel currently redirects to. With his extensive computer and graphics background it is of little wonder how such a professional website was created! As you can see there are no direct mentions of providing anything to the Israeli military or the government of the Bahamas. They allude to the natural disaster in Haiti as a possible application but again nothing concrete. In fact, the entire website is nothing but the same one-liners and buzzwords Derek Shenk used in his presentation last night as well as an absolutely hilarious video showing boxes with their name being flown in under a military helicopter and being used for the military, hunting/camping, sports, and even family picnics!
We had the opportunity to try two of International Food Security’s (IFS) Bioarmor Body Fuel products: Broccoli Cheese Soup and some sort of chocolate brownie. It was mentioned earlier in the presentation that while other companies are providing protein bars for sports applications, Bioarmor Body Fuel is planning on a cookie dough instead. Both are dehydrated products which Mr. Shenk talked up as delicious, healthy, and containing no artificial ingredients, MSG, GMOs (genetically modified organisms), etc.
1. The Broccoli Cheese soup had a bright yellow colored base (supposedly cheese) and hunks of some sort of substance which we were reassured was real broccoli. Mr. Shenk noted enthusiastically that if we like broccoli we’re going to love the soup because it was made with real broccoli! Well, I love broccoli but I didn’t like their “soup”. In fact, I took one small spoonful and could not finish the rest. I am an Eagle Scout and have backpacked extensively eating freeze dried foods, I went on the Nutrisystem diet and ate plenty of similarly stored meals, and I will eat just about anything but that was quite possibly the worst “soup” I’ve ever tasted. The taste carried with me throughout the rest of the evening even after several glasses of water, a salad, a roll, and an entire entree. I had to gargle with salt water when I got home to get the taste out of my mouth.
2. The chocolate brownie came rolled into a soft ball and was provided with no plate. Inside the brown and sticky substance were, I assume, some sort of nuts (which we were not informed were included–thankfully no one was allergic). The dough-like substance was apparently created with water added to a package and mashed around until mixed. It was gritty but carried some resemblance to a chocolate-like flavor. It certainly was not enjoyable in the least but I suppose if I was 50 miles in the middle of nowhere it would be better than nothing and while I left the remainder of the soup, I did eat the entire ball of supposed chocolate brownie.
After being served the two items we were presented with the dinner we were promised. Being held at Old Chicago I expected pizza but instead we were served a Caesar salad with a very dry dinner roll, some sort of very dry and overcooked chicken cordon bleu with rice and green beans. While interesting, I wanted to raise my hand and ask why they weren’t providing more of the Bioarmor Body Fuel food such as the Jerk Chicken Pasta which Derek Shenk mentioned several times as being a favorite of his kids. Being that he claimed his very picky six year old wanted that meal over the option of pizza, I really wanted to try that instead.
The entire presentation was absolutely hilarious from start to finish. I was quite disturbed to see several people in the audience nodding their heads up and down as if buying what Mr. Peterson and Mr. Shenk were saying hook, line and sinker and I wondered to myself just how much money they had to take from these people’s 401Ks and savings to support their business model.
Have you ever been suckered into a MLM presentation like the one I sat through for Bioarmor Body Fuel/International Food Security/Nutriversal? Have you ever eaten a freeze dried meal and thought to yourself this would be a worthwhile investment of my retirement money/savings? Whatever you have to say about Bioarmor Body Fuel’s MLM presentation at Old Chicago in Apple Valley go ahead and comment on as I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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March 3rd, 2011 at 7:28 am
I sat through an iJango presentation, the folks who figured out a way to MLM Google. It was supposed to be the bigger than Facebook. More amazing the number of people who couldn’t see through it and acutally got hostile in defending it to me.
Barnum said it best.. there’s one born every minute.
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:29 am
how much to buy in for the sankster and myself:)
bb
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:32 am
The minimum number thrown around was $10,000.
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:49 am
The Orlando Magic play in Amway Center.
I think there is one born every 30 seconds.
Bill, I think you have the perfect approach. Don’t fight ‘em. Laugh at ‘em.
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:58 am
I love broccoli cheese soup, and I’m pretty comfortable with “cheese products,” but that soup is a little bit too fluorescent, isn’t it?
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:59 am
I once went to a “job interview” that turned out to be a MLM presentation. I was suspicious when they asked me to bring my partner, but being right out of college and in need of a job, I thought it was worth a shot.
As expected with MLM scams, they split us up and had several plants in the room clapping and nodding their heads as if these nutritional supplements were the best idea ever. They played really loud club music throughout the building and I assume it was so we couldn’t hear other people doubting the scheme. It was all too surreal considering I came prepped with a resume and wore a suit.
Ryan and I left as soon as possible, giving each other the doubtful eye and head tilt from across the room, but we had to beg our way out since they had security to prevent the captive audience from leaving.
March 3rd, 2011 at 9:01 am
Anybody ever get sucked into the Direct Buy scam presentation? They practically threaten to shoot you if you don’t drop 7 grand on them before you leave the place.
March 3rd, 2011 at 9:10 am
I once dated the daughter of one of the principal owners of the Tahitian Noni stuff (which I’ve actually never heard of outside of Utah, but it’s HUGE there…). I never understood what that stuff was all about. At the time, I thought there was just something about the products that I didn’t understand (Stuff Rich People Like), but now I realize that all the hype is a result of the MLM structure that ensures that most consumers of the product are also distributors. Noni, lol.
March 3rd, 2011 at 9:36 am
I’ve never been suckered into any MLM scam but have known people who have been. On a side note, my cousin went to that Pensacola Christian College — that explains why he’s a Coca-Cola delivery driver now.
Just curious, did they find any suckers in the audience last night or was everyone there at least moderately smart?
March 3rd, 2011 at 10:22 am
Margene on Big Love (HBO) is currently being sucked into a Utah MLM scam (the fictional Goji Juice) which is probably based on Reuben’s date’s dad’s real life company.
3 episodes left of that show, should be interesting how they resolve that plot.
March 3rd, 2011 at 10:54 am
We got the Amway pitch from a guy once. His wife started talking to me at a gas station while we were both filling up. A Bible was sitting on my dash and she used that connection to start talking about church, then about an employment opportunity her husband had. Thankfully my wife was employed but had been considering trying something more part time. I was suspicious the whole time about how legitimate it was and sure enough, it turned out to be Amway. We told him upfront we weren’t interested but he insisted we take the products home and try them. We did and still weren’t sold and he wound up coming to pick them up. He wasn’t good at giving a hard sell, which was good for us and bad for him.
I despise seeing people use faith as a business tool.
March 3rd, 2011 at 11:52 am
@joey – like this???
City Creek Condos
You can almost FEEL the revelation seeping through the windows from the Temple!
March 3rd, 2011 at 11:55 am
FOLLOW THE PROFIT !
“At City Creek Luxury Condos, serving God and Mammon isn’t an impossibility, it’s a lifestyle!”
March 3rd, 2011 at 11:57 am
I went to a “job interview” once that turned out to be expensive knives sold via MLM. They did the whole presentation telling us that they were sure we weren’t worthy, out of the whole room only TWO of us would be selected to sell their precious knives. Of course they call you in separately to let you know you’re one of the “lucky” ones and how much your knives will cost to buy and could you put together your list of your friends and family that you will make your first presentations to etc. Then, after the “you’ve been picked” meeting they led each candidate out separately (you know, so we couldn’t put it together that we’d ALL been lucky enough to be selected).
I’m pretty sure I dumped the materials before I even made it to my car.
Did you heckle the speakers? That might have been fun enough to actually attend.
March 3rd, 2011 at 2:17 pm
ugh…this reminds me of when some of my family members got caught up in something called “Adverworld”…$70/month to have a static web page (Late 90′s)
March 3rd, 2011 at 2:53 pm
We did the Direct Buy thing. I guess they’ve gotten a lot more violent? I don’t remember it being so bad.
Personally I don’t like anyone trying to sell things to me. No free dinner or night in a timeshare is worth the discomfort of the hard sell.
What does “Bioarmor” even mean? I know they’re trying to sound high tech but that’s just silly.
March 3rd, 2011 at 3:08 pm
“Did you heckle the speakers? That might have been fun enough to actually attend.”
Mrs M: There were tweets, which I would say were a WAAAY better source of humor without having to sit in a room for all that time.
However, Bill may have hit an heretofore untapped source of humor here. Perhaps at the next MLM event he should invite MSPD and the two of them can have a twitter battle of wits and karmic musings in real-time whilst enjoying chicken cordon bleeh. We could turn it into a pay-per-view-like event. Can’t you just see the two of them giggling in the back row?
However, I do think its kind of funny that Bill and his friend, anticipating scarfing down all they could eat, free Old Chicago pizza, and probably starving themselves all day in anticipation of gorging themselves, got outfoxed on the free food. :) Bitter irony.
March 3rd, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Whit,
I asked MSPD to go w/us but when he heard they were having it at Old Chicago instead of McDonalds he backed out and said he had other plans for dinner.
March 3rd, 2011 at 3:49 pm
What does one need to do to get themselves invited to one of these free dinners?
March 3rd, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Just sign a declaration for your love of Chicken McNuggets and I’ll come pick you up.
Oh….wait…..were you asking Bill that question?
March 3rd, 2011 at 7:49 pm
Looks like chicken makhani.
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:02 pm
I’ve been to one MLM presentation. I was kind of skeptical about it before going when the guy taking me was so vague about it. I was in my first or second year of college and he said this event we were going to was going to be a networking event where I could meet and network with prominent business people in the area (in hopes of making an impression and landing a job at their company once I graduate).
What was absurd was that when I arrived at the entrance of the hotel ballroom, they said admission was $10. I only had $5 so the guy I came with paid for me. It ended up being some bullshit about Quixtar. Later on the guy who brought me took me out to dinner which was a small consolation for the time I wasted listening to that bullshit.
One time I had one of these motherfuckers come to my apartment. My roommate had been referred to this insurance salesman by his mom and she really wanted him to meet the guy and hear him out. Before arriving, he requested my roommate (who was my best friend at the time) gather the people who are most important in his life to sit alongside him during the presentation since this potential business opportunity was a huge undertaking and he needed the support of his girlfriend and his best friend (me).
He pitched us some crap about selling life insurance and how we couldn’t sell it unless we bought it ourselves. The whole thing lasted about 2.5 hours and it made me furious. My little brother was 5 years old at the time and my sister 12 and I had planned a night of hanging out with them. We were going to use the indoor pool, make pizza and stay up late watching movies. One of the few things I look back on in my life where I wish I would’ve walked out of the presentation because this asshole was taking up my entire evening of hanging out with my siblings.
/rant but from now on I will never attend one of those things no matter what kind of incentive they are offering, it’s just not worth my time.
March 3rd, 2011 at 9:04 pm
We (4 girls on a trip to Orlando) got suckered into a “FOUR FREE TICKETS TO ________” scam for a time share. We were young and attracted to the word free. We knew we weren’t going to buy anything but went for the tour (we selected tickets to “Medieval Times” since we’d already done Disney and Universal). Anyway…first thing they ask is how old we all are…at the time my sister was 17, I was 26, our friend L was 26, and our friend T was 30. Apparently there is some rule that you have to be 30 to buy into this time share (maybe it is for all time share, I don’t know). So they pretty much let the three of us wander around while they concentrated all their efforts on T. We were all kind of laughing about it until we heard T tell them she wanted to talk to them privately and then we were ushered out. We were like “OMG SHE IS GOING TO SIGN!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!” Then they came out and the tour guides and T gave each other knowing looks and we got our free Medieval Times tickets and got out of there. So in the car we were like “WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?!” And she says “Well, they wouldn’t leave me alone so I told them I was independently wealthy due to an inheritance but didn’t want my traveling companions to know how much money I have…so they promised to call me after vacation.” Awesome. Oh, and dinner at Medieval Times…completely worth it.
March 3rd, 2011 at 10:13 pm
I have a co-worker that is a Direct Buy member. Claims she has saved over $100k over the past 8 years that she has been a member. She has renovated 2 houses, and she does the general contracting. For whatever that’s worth. I know I won’t ever be a Direct Buy member.
My wife and I got caught into a timeshare thing for some free tickets to Sea World when visiting Disney (the company I was working for paid for me and my family to go to Disney for a week after I made them some big money one year).
The closest I have ever gotten to a multi-level marketing thing was a Lakeville Chiropractor. My wife goes to a Chiropractor and was trying out a new one. They wanted me to come with to the “orientation”. I didn’t understand it as I don’t like people touching my skeletal structure so have no intention of visiting the Chiropractor. So we get there and there are about 10 other couples that sit down to hear about the wonders of Chiropractors. It didn’t take anymore than about 10 minutes for the complete an utter bull shit to start. Now all I have is some high school Biology, but I know for a fact, you don’t prevent cancerous cells from developing by some guy pushing your bones and cartilage around. They were very much trying to sell me some and everyone else some kool-aid and I wasn’t drinking.
In the end they took each couple back to their office to make the pitch. Basically saying that they feel what they can offer is so important, they’ll accept any amount in payment, though they’d like X. Well, I offered them, for my wife about 5% of x. They actually said they would take it and my wife went for a few months before they just started getting too weird for my wife.
The mention of Utah brought to mind the Goji Blast product Margi is trying to pimp on HBO’s Big Love. A MLM wrapped in the Morman world.
March 4th, 2011 at 4:26 am
[...] Restaurants are battling City Hall to defend lively outdoor dining conditions, Bill Roehl goes to a hilariously stupid multilevel marketing meeting about food at an Old Chicago, Trout Caviar talks bacon, the full list of FEAST proposals, [...]
March 4th, 2011 at 7:02 am
Mikeh – is it the chiropractor on 160th by the giant church? I know exactly what you’re talking about – I had a feeling that’s what the “info session” was going to be.
March 4th, 2011 at 8:12 am
My wife went to a MLM presentation (against my advice). She wasn’t buying it and the free products they gave her were crap. After it became clear that she wasn’t going for it, the guy asked her to send the products and gaint book back to him. That part pissed me off. If he wants its, he can head to Burnsville landfill.
March 4th, 2011 at 10:24 am
A few years ago, I was contacted by a marketing exeuctive from a well-respected company in our industry. He said he was calling to offer me advice on social media, but I found out by the end of the call that he was actually looking for a job. I was nice to him & we chatted back and forth on Twitter, email , etc for a few weeks. Then, a month or so later, he sent me two emails and a followup DM about this MLM scheme for vitamins that were scientifically designed to match your DNA. I about choked. How do you even say no to something like that without laughing? I just told him I’m not an MLM type of person. Today, he’s an independent social media consultant.
March 4th, 2011 at 11:47 am
Might be, my wife drove and I didn’t pay close attention. Most of the medical based MLM’s just baffle me. Though I guess it shouldn’t since I am literally shocked at how little most people know about human anatomy and physiology.
March 4th, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Great blog entry. I’ve had brushes with MLM people over the years, and even when I was younger and stupid-er, I was viscerally repulsed by MLM schemes and glibly rejected them.
A former supervisor at a group home where I worked called me at home months after she quit, and invited me to a Quixar meeting where I pretty much humiliated the presenter at the end of the evening when he thought he had me hook-line-sinker and I told him “NO WAY.”
Then there was that long-distance relationship I was in where the guy ended up being kind of a nutjob. He was all about Amway.
On a slightly unrelated note, here is a sample menu from the dining hall at Pensacola Christian College:
Sesame Beef
Fried Rice
Wild Rice
Oriental Green Beans
Oriental Blend
Yeast Rolls
You stay classy, PCC!!!
March 7th, 2011 at 9:43 pm
O.B.B. that happened to me too. the guy gave me some tapes or a DVD or something and a few weeks later he emailed me to check if I was interested. I said no so he asked me to mail them back to him. I think they have to pay for these materials and they have to be careful about not wasting them.
Oh and the guy who took me to the hotel ballroom said he was going to be a millionaire by 25 and retire by 30 or something like that. He’s in his late 20s now, pulling I’m guessing about 40K as a private high school teacher.
March 8th, 2011 at 7:33 pm
i think the sankmeister should put out 5 large, and after 2-3 months he’s satisfied, i’m good for the other 5:)
bb
March 11th, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Just listened to a direct-buy type presentation by INTERNATIONAL FOOD SECURITY (IFS). Sounds like a great idea. Most of the attendees seemed to be older folks. They want a $10k minimum investment. Can’t seem to find much online about IFS. Also called Bio-Armor. Also Food Vault Program. Although this doesn’t seem like a MLM, I am skeptical. He wasn’t too pushy, used some bible references (I don’t think we gave him any clues that we were believers). I plan to keep my eye on this & see if I can get any validation.
Ever hear of the old Latin warning; “Caveat Emptor”? “Let the buyer beware…”
October 5th, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 5th, 2011 at 8:11 pm
Derek,
You are so full of shit my computer stinks. Shut the fuck up and go back scamming old and retarded people like you do in normal hours.
lefty
October 5th, 2011 at 8:18 pm
That is easily the new record for fastest to 5 thumbs down. What a moron.
February 8th, 2012 at 9:17 am
I had pizza for dinner at Old Chicago last night.
I walked out wishing they had served me some Bioarmor Body Fuel instead.
It was probably the worst meal I have had in years, not to mention worthless calories I now need to work off. Blech.
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:43 pm
This stuff is hilarious. She’s gonna get her lawyer daddy after me. I love threats.
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:53 pm
Wait.
Did you spoof her email address, or is it really I am a god fearing bible thumping doomsday prepper @ yahoo . com?
What a Fuck Nugget. I am surprised there is punctuation in the message to you, but you may have done that for her as well.
Glad this post pops up every 6 months or so to remind everyone about this MLM disaster of a “company”.
What a joke
lefty
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:54 pm
While it may be coincidental, the last name of the owner of Bioarmor Body Fuel is only one letter off of the woman who posted that comment. Hilarity.
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:55 pm
I edited her e-mail and dropped the variety of URLs she had in her e-mails to protect the moronic.
March 3rd, 2013 at 7:15 pm
Wow. Sign me up, if it is good enough for Steph and her RV-ing, gun buying, ammo stocking MO, it is good enough to me!
March 3rd, 2013 at 7:21 pm
It keeps getting better:
March 3rd, 2013 at 7:36 pm
I think Steph is really Lefty using an old AOL email account.
March 3rd, 2013 at 7:43 pm
Ryan M.
I am not smart enough to make myself look that stupid.
lefty
March 4th, 2013 at 8:04 am
Well, even if Steph is right and the stuff isn’t what Bill says, apparently eating it turns you into a raging paranoid bitch. Not exactly a stellar endorsement there, Steph.
March 4th, 2013 at 9:18 am
Maybe it was me. I’ve been stocking up on guns and ammo. …
March 6th, 2013 at 8:13 am
Because of the moron above I received the warning below from Charter. I called them and removed the one IP address I missed (in the Whois link from the original approval) which is apparently what they took offense with; however, the “evidence” at the bottom is SO hilarious.
Hey Steph, next time think about the consequences of your decision to threaten people. Oh, and I won’t bother with sending your ISP an e-mail about you threatening me with false legal action and not knowing the difference between libel and slander even though they should have laws against the later because, if anything, we need less stupid people on the Internet.
March 6th, 2013 at 9:35 am
Bible Thumping Right Wing Fuck Nugget says:
if this were true, I think I’d be put away for life.
I wonder what Sarah Palin would have her do now?
I always thought those stupid “no such thing as second hand smoke” guys were the dumbest people to ever post on this blog. Not anymore. You win, Ste ph!
March 6th, 2013 at 9:55 am
Interesting double-standard Steph has.
- Complaint to the internet provider based on “lies”
- Fill the complaint and emails with lies.
Steph, you need to get a life. And a clue.
March 6th, 2013 at 4:15 pm
isn’t it quaint… someone still things e-mail is private.