Several years ago I gave a pretty decent review to the Roasted Pear in Burnsville. While the food we had there was in no way mind-blowing, it was decent; however, we never went back because it wasn’t really a place we ever gave much thought to. Tonight, after a nearby stop at the doctor for The Koala (no worries, just teething), we swung over to The Roasted Pear to cash in on their fairly extensive and reasonably priced happy hour specials.

We arrived at around 5:15 and found most of the restaurant empty. There were a few people at the bar drinking the boring domestics they had on tap and a few scattered tables, mostly around the outside of the restaurant, populated with people eating early. We ordered several items off the happy hour menu: the wings (buffalo comes on the side), the three sliders (pulled pork, cheeseburger, and chicken sandwich), a spicy giardiniera pizza with sausage, and an order of sweet potato fries. Their happy hour specials range between $4 and $7 and we ordered items from each level. FYI, their online menu seems a little out of date to what we were provided last evening and some of those options were either not available or were slightly modified from what you will see on their website.

The food was out in a reasonable amount of time and came to the table looking like what I would expect from a Sysco-truck-to-table restaurant. The sweet potato fries were abundant but obviously came from a bag. They were accompanied by ketchup and their ‘signature’ root beer ketchup. Now, I want you to stop for a moment and take some time to think about what just went through your mind when you heard “root beer ketchup”. Whatever shock or horror came to mind would never, ever, ever even come close to preparing you for the horrendous flavor which would erupt in your mouth when you dipped one of those previously frozen sweet potato fries in this disgusting concoction and then decided it would be safe to eat. I really have to wonder who thought that up and whether they actually ate the stuff afterward because, if they had, they would NEVER have served it to anyone. SO. UNBELIEVABLY. GROSS.

The Slider Trio were nothing special at all. I have seen previously frozen White Castle hamburgers which looked to be more appetizing than these three. While I didn’t bother to taste any of them, the overdone cheeseburger looked grey and droopy with a tiny bit of cheese; the chicken sandwich looked like a dried frozen patty; and while the pulled pork was said to be the best of the three, it looked like it came straight from a microwaved Lloyd’s bucket instead of from the corner of the wood-fired oven.

The wings were meaty but tasted off and had the texture of frozen wings defrosted and cooked in an oven instead of the crisp and flavorful wings they should have been either from the wood-fired oven or a grill. While the wings were edible, their version of Buffalo sauce was not. I don’t know how anyone could screw up Buffalo like they did but even though it looked like buffalo, it tasted like spicy tea and the weak bleu cheese dressing did absolutely nothing to save this eye-watering disappointment. It was right about this time that I realized why the restaurant and bar were empty…it’s because the place is horrendous. However, the pizza was the only decent item we had last night. While it was doughy, undercooked, and looked like a frozen Target-brand pizza, the giardiniera was not oily, the truly spicy pieces were large and could have been confused with being homemade, and the sausage was abundant. I enjoyed the pizza for $5 but they need to utilize that wood-fired oven to make the crust crisp and charred, not bring it down to its other miserable happy hour counterparts by appearing as a pale and sick previously-frozen pizza.

Overall Roasted Pear has really gone down hill in the last few years and we wouldn’t be surprised if they close their doors soon. The most surprising part of the entire evening was that not one single employee asked us what we thought of the food. While the service was fine, they spent most of their time huddled in the kitchen and service area chatting instead of trying to make the experience better. Great service when the place is empty is one thing but when the food is borderline inedible, it doesn’t make for a pleasant experience and more should be done to remedy that situation. Honestly, I’d rather have eaten at Ernie’s Pub. Yeah, it was really that bad.

Address:
Roasted Pear
14200 Nicollet Ave
Burnsville, MN 55337

Phone:
952-898-2800

Disclaimer: As part of Smack Shack’s soft opening four of us were invited to dine for free to give the new restaurant a test before it officially opens to the public. We received comped items (everything except our alcoholic beverages) as part of this event. The total bill (including alcohol) came to about $240. Please take the following review with as much salt as you feel is required following this government mandated disclaimer.

Last night I met up with Lefty across the street from Black Sheep in The Loop neighborhood of Minneapolis to check out the latest food truck conversion to brick and mortar, Smack Shack.

Smack Shack has been one of the more popular food trucks and while I never got around to trying it while I worked downtown, I had heard great things about what they served and I was VERY excited to get a chance to try them out prior to their official opening (which is today). The space is beautiful. 8,000 square feet of modern, industrial beauty with two floors, an open kitchen showing off a two level lobster tank and gigantic kettle for lobster and shrimp boil, large bar area, and an even larger outdoor patio. Honestly, the place is impressive as soon as you walk in the door.

We were seated in the bar area and were served right away by a self-admitted nervous server who was very friendly and was trying very hard to make us happy. The menu was a typical preview night partial menu where you ordered one item from each section and were offered some shared desserts. Because there was four of us at the table and most of us ordered different items, we ended up with a pretty decent cross-section of what was available to us. For the first course we ordered Lorraine’s Lump Crab Cakes, the Smoked Pork Tacos, the Warm Smoked Duck, and Oysters (6). We went with the Newcastle Battered Perch Po Boy, Lobster Cioppino, and two orders of the Lonely Lobster Boil as our entrees and we got orders of both the baked beans and seasoned fries for our sides.

As with many preview nights, the service was spotty and disjointed. We received some of our appetizers on time and others not until much later; however, we did end up with an order of Lobster Corn Dogs to try because of the confusion. The Corn Dogs are a food truck staple and included a lemon chive aioli.

The appetizers arrived in several sessions with the oysters and the crab cakes arriving well before the duck and pork tacos. The oysters were supposed to number 6 but the pile that arrived at table were nearly double that number. Aside from literal mouthful of shell I got on my first oyster and the remaining shards that littered my mouth for the next two oysters, they were fine. The presentation was nice, the oysters were tasty, and the lemon and hot sauce (on the table already) abundant; however, the mignonette was too vinegary for my tastes and the horseradish (which we later decided may have been shredded radish) was so weak that forkfuls didn’t do anything for the three of us who tried it.

The crab cakes were extremely weak and tasted only of breading and the maque choux they sat upon. While the maque choux had some good flavor, it closely resembled a puddle of putrid green puke and it really took away from the subtle flavors of the crab which were already greatly muted by the breading. As someone who enjoys making crab cakes at home for The Wife, these were an insane disappointment for me and a definite pass for the rest of the people at the table.

Eventually the Warm Smoked Duck arrived at the table. It came with frisee, green apple, pickled cherries, goat cheese, glazed pecans and griddled milk bread. The textures were fantastic. Offsetting the crunch of the green apple and pecans were the soft and tart pickled cherries and the super creamy goat cheese. The duck, while having no smoke flavor, was tender and luscious. This dish was the smash hit of the evening with Lefty commenting that he would love to grab it to go for dinner; in fact, he boxed up what was left(y) to take home with him–the only item of last night which received such a treatment.

Much later, after some hounding, the Smoked Pork Tacos arrived at the table. There were two ($7 on the menu) and included tasteless, tough pork with no smoke flavor covered in an overpowering combination of tomatillo salsa and chili lime crema. The cilantro was wilted and looked cooked setting this one up for a visual failure. The liquid which ran out all over the plate rounded out this failure.

While some of us were eating our apps, Lefty’s Lonely Lobster Boil arrived. A sad presentation for sure, this dish was actually decent according to both of those at the table who tried it. The lobster was tender and sweet and the meat abundant. While it wasn’t something I would have ordered, especially after seeing it and tasting it, it ended up being one of the favorites of the evening–a good thing since ‘lobster’ is such a prominent part of the Smack Shack brand.

My Newcastle Battered Perch Po Boy was out next. It was a good size, especially for the price ($9.50) and included a ton of lightly battered perch. While the perch itself was lovely, the rest of the sandwich, namely the whole grain mustard tartar sauce and the cabbage slaw, really ruined everything that was good about the perch. Much like the crab cakes and tacos, the items accompanying the protein simply overpowered the dish instead of making the flavors really pop.

While we had some hits and misses so far, the biggest miss of the evening was the Lobster Cioppino. A tasteless conglomeration of great seafood, this should have been the run away favorite. Instead the tasteless broth somehow was able to overpower similarly tasteless proteins. I only had one mussel from the dish but it really had zero flavor. So very odd.

While I *REALLY* wanted to *LOVE* Smack Shack, I couldn’t bring myself to say it was worth it. While I realize it was a preview night, I would have expected some of the items to really shine but instead I’m sort of left having to say mediocre dishes were good (lobster boil). The misses were big (pork, crab cakes, cioppino, etc) and the hits were barely so. For the prices they were charging, their history as a popular truck, and the space they’re trying to fill I would expect so much more.

Have you tried Smack Shack’s restaurant in Minneapolis? If so what did you think? What did you have? What would you like to order in the future? Whatever you have to say about this one go ahead and comment on as I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Address:
Smack Shack (brick and mortar)
603 Washington Ave N
Minneapolis, MN 55401

Phone:
612-259-7288

See all the pictures from Smack Shack’s new brick and mortar joint on Flickr here.