Police Calls | Bill Roehl

Archive for the ‘Police Calls’

Sexual Farm Animals in South St Paul

Published July 17th, 2008 in Police Calls, St Paul | No Comments »

From the Pioneer Press’ South Metro Police Calls:

Honey, you want to? No? Headache? Not anymore!

Warrant: Police responded about 4 p.m. July 5 to a report of a man damaging property in the 200 block of Fifth Avenue North. Police then received another report that he was causing a disturbance in the 200 block of Sixth Avenue North. He was found in the back yard of a home and a check showed he had a warrant out for his arrest. The 23-year-old man had several pills in his pockets, which he said were “sex pills.” He identified the various pills as Viagra, a seizure medication, aspirin and “Horny Goat,” which the man said he got out of a dispenser in the bathroom of a bar. He was arrested on suspicion of having a warrant and possessing legend drugs without a prescription.

Tripod?!

Published July 15th, 2008 in Eagan, Police Calls, Savage, South Metro | No Comments »

Lots of gems in today’s Star Tribune South Metro Police Blotter:

Theft Depot:

Burglary (Eagan). All Saints Lutheran church at 3010 Lexington Av. S. was broken into. A hammer and screwdrivers were missing from the pastor’s office.

Burglary (Eagan). Two officers responded to a similar call to take a report at the Trinity Lone Oak Church at 2950 Hwy 55.

Theft (Jordan). A drill valued at $1,500 was taken from an unlocked vehicle in the area of 3rd Street and Broadway Street.

Doesn’t everyone have $2000 worth of shit in their gym bag?:

Theft. A man from Burnsville reported that his gym bag with all the contents was stolen from his locker at a business in Savage. Estimated loss about $2,000.

My, what a big third leg you have:

Obscenity. A business in the 5800 block of Egan Drive reported a male fondling himself. Upon arrival officers determined that the man had a leg injury.

Not a True Picture of Crime!

Published July 9th, 2008 in Lakeville, Police Calls, South Metro | No Comments »

It’s that time of the week again, both the Pioneer Press and the Star Tribune’s South Metro Police Blotters are out:

From an overview of what Lakeville cops were doing late last month aside from waking up sleeping homeowners and taking pictures of drunken teens… I’m not quite sure what theft doesn’t include a questionable motive, but apparently ~4% of them are questionable:

June 19 - 27: 16 traffic crashes, 38 alarms, 37 animal complaints, 18 medical emergencies, some 251 traffic stops, and 27 thefts. One theft in particular had questionable motives. An officer responded to a construction site regarding a missing portable outhouse.

It seems that the Star Tribune just started adding a little note at the bottom of their police blotters but I’m too lazy to go back and look for fear that the links might be dead anyway. It reads, “Items are selected from reports made to police departments and are not intended to provide a comprehensive picture of crime.” Just in case you were wondering.

Water Water Everywhere in the South Metro!

Published July 1st, 2008 in Apple Valley, Eagan, Police Calls, South Metro | 1 Comment »

From the Star Tribune’s South Metro Police Blotter:

Domestic. Near the 4500 block of Cinnamon Ridge Trail (in Eagan). A disgruntled 90-year-old woman in the yard squirted everyone with the hose while a group of six board members were trying to have a meeting.

From the Star Tribune’s South Metro Business Briefs:

The Shakopee Mdewakanton Sioux Community said last week that it plans to bottle water from its treatment plant near Little Six Casino. Production could begin by the end of the month, with the first big run of bottles going to the tribe’s annual Wacipi (powwow) in August.

According to this press release from the Mdewakanton Sioux Community, their water supply coming from a new water treatment facility meets Federal EPA standards for quality and as such they are going to start bottling their water. So drink up folks, there’s nothing more refreshing and expensive than some highly chlorinated drinking water from a Minnesota Native American casino reservation! Yummy.

So, if you’re really dying of thirst and want to try this new water that is bottled locally which will rival such awesome favorites such as Aquafina or Dasani, check out the Sioux’s new bottled water beginning in mid-August. But If you’re living in Apple Valley you might just want to drink straight from the tap because the 2008 water quality report (PDF) gives you a great idea of just how wonderful Apple Valley’s stinky, iron filled, nasty ass water happens to be.

What a Boob!

Published June 29th, 2008 in Police Calls | 5 Comments »

From the Pioneer Press’ Inver Grove Heights Police Calls:

Warrant: Police stopped a vehicle about 11:30 a.m. June 12 at Upper 55th Street East and Bishop Avenue after a check showed the registered owner had an expired driver’s license and a warrant. The driver, a 21-year-old woman, got upset and yelled at police. She also lifted her shirt and exposed her breasts to police. Police had to force her into handcuffs, and she was arrested on suspicion of resisting arrest, indecent exposure, driving with an expired license and having a warrant.