Lakefront Brewery’s Fuel Cafe vs Natural Light

September 2nd, 2009 in Food

Tonight was the final night comparing great beers to shitty ones. It’s been a long haul in which I have had entirely too much beer, requiring entirely too many miles on the treadmill to keep up. While it has been fun, it’s also interrupted my regularly scheduled programming–which I promise will return as soon as there is something even remotely interesting to write about.

Anyway, while the cheap beer is plentiful in my fridge, there was only one high end beer remaining and it came from Lakefront Brewing, Inc. which is based out of Wisconsin. A supposed coffee flavored stout, I had high hopes for this one being that many of the other beers I sampled in the last week have been absolutely heavenly–especially in the coffee notes arena. I poured this one out and notice the heavy aroma of burned coffee grounds. Hmm, not something I’m used to when talking stouts, but cool, smells decent enough. The head was about one-finger in width and dissipated rapidly.

While I let that one steep (har), I poured out the Natural Light. This is a beer that I haven’t had since college and after many long evenings–which turned into very long mornings, I swore I would never touch this beer again. Ahh, the things I do in the name of science! The beer had no head, no smell, and was the lightest colored beer I have sampled to date. Registering in at only 95 calories, I can see why we could drink it all night long, every weekend, and barely gain a pound. I took my first sip in 11 or so years and was surprised to find that it has almost as little flavor as it had smell. I kept drinking it, surprised that it wasn’t nearly as bad as I remembered. After exclaiming to my wife that this was quite possibly the best shit beer I tried all week long she said to me that it was the only beer she could ever drink. She’s right–I have a picture around somewhere of her sitting on a couch, all dolled up, holding a 3/4 full Natty Light…the only one she had that entire night. So, while I was dreading this day more than you could ever know, it wasn’t even half bad and to be honest, if it’s cheaper than Hamm’s (I don’t know), I’ll probably buy it the next time I go camping instead! Ahh, reverting to my college days when I’m 30–I rule.

Back to the Fuel Cafe stout. After the Natural Light, being that it was like water, I figured that I would have the perfect palate to drink this one–nice and clean. I took a sip and sloshed it around in my mouth a bit. Smooth, watery, and what the fuck? It tastes like someone lit a fucking fire in my mouth. Huh? Confused, I take another larger sip. Sure enough, this beer tastes like smoke. Woah. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love a smokey alcoholic beverage as much as the next guy, hell, I’m a huge Scotch fan, but this was just fucking nasty. I took a few more swigs, attempted to wash my mouth out with some water and try again, and eventually I just had to pour the rest of it down the drain–crying to the beer gods asking, “why the hell would you permit a Natty Light tallboy to beat out a good beer?” The beer gods replied, “it was just bound to happen at some point!”

So, as I watched this horrendous beer slip down the drain, I could still taste that god awful smoke flavor in my mouth. I don’t know what someone was thinking when they created a beer that tastes like burned out old coffee grounds but based on the reviews it got on Beeradvocate (B- overall, uhh, you people are obviously too drunk to be rating beers if you thought that was anything above a C-), I guess I’m in the minority. People, if you’re looking for a good beer, go back through the five others I’ve sampled this week thanks to Whit and her husband and skip this one. Seriously, it’s the worst beer I’ve possibly ever had!

Tonight’s can of Natural Light (5/10)
Tonight’s bottle of Lakefront Brewery Inc’s Fuel Cafe (0/10) — yes, pouring it down the drain rates it 0.

So, if you are interested in checking out the other beers I’ve reviewed for this fun little project, go ahead and page back through them here: McSorley’s Irish Black Lager to Miller High Life, Brau Cream Stout to PBR, Left Hand Milk Stout to Hamms, Capital Brewery’s Munich Dark to Keystone Light, and Lake Superior Oatmeal Stout to Milwaukee’s Best Light.

Have you ever had Lakefront Brewery’s Fuel Cafe Coffee Flavored Stout? If so, what did you think of it? Perhaps you, like me, went back to your college days and tried a Natural Light and maybe, like me, found it to be tasteless but better than a shitty good beer. Whatever you think about my tongue-in-cheek comparison please let me know and please make sure you check out some of the great beers I reviewed earlier and tell me what you thought!