Tonight we decided to take “Brad” up on his offer from Linwood Pizza‘s Apple Valley location and ordered one of their large pizzas and we received an order of cheese bread with marinara sauce, a fresh garden salad and a two liter bottle of Pepsi at no charge.
We ordered it just after 5pm and just about an hour later the delivery guy arrived at our door with three boxes and a bottle for us to divvy up between the two of us. I set the boxes down on the table and took some photos and then proceeded to dive into the pizza.
We ordered the pizza half pepperoni and half mushroom. I was immediately displeased that the pizza was cut into squares but thankfully, for reasons I will explain later, the main reason why I despise pizza cut this way was irrelevant. The cheese bread was smallish and looked fairly boring while the marinara sauce in the plastic cup in the middle looked like leftover Sysco tomato sauce slightly dehydrated — like what’s on the inside lid of a bottle of Ragu when you first open the jar. The fresh garden salad was nothing more than bagged prepared salad, which I’m more than fine with as I eat it twice a day every day, with two nearly unripened tomatoes and a metric fuckload and a half of black and green olives thrown all over the top. If there is anything I despise, it’s black olives — blech! The salad came with a tiny bag (airplane peanuts sized) of croutons and a bag of ranch dressing.
Before even bothering with the salad I dug into the pizza. I hadn’t eaten anything substantial since 11 AM and this was exactly what I thought I was looking for. Now, before we go any further, I have eaten two slices of “real” pizza since August and the rest of it has been made with fat free cheese so pretty much anything should be excellent, right? This pizza was almost cold. I would have had to stick this in the oven for at least 10 minutes to warm it up enough to be edible at any other time but I was too hungry to care today. As I said above, I hate when pizzas are cut into squares. While I have had plenty of arguments with others about this, there is absolutely no reason to cut a round pizza into squares. When it’s hot, the squares in the middle have nothing to hold on to and the cheese burns your fingers (no, you’re not supposed to eat pizza with a fork) but thankfully this pizza was cold and that didn’t matter in this instance. The pizza itself was fucking awful. Let me be clear here, this was worse than any other pizza I have ever had including whatever they used to serve in the middle school cafeteria growing up. I have had better pizza from gas stations than what was delivered to me home tonight! After I ate two pieces straight up, I doused the rest in hot sauce to try and cover the horrendous flavor of what we were served tonight. Even with all the hot sauce it was still terrible. If I hadn’t been starving I would have thrown it all out.
I asked Kim what she thought… She told me that while it wasn’t the worst she ever had it wasn’t anything great. I should ask her if it was as bad as Two Guys from Italy. She was extremely disappointed that they “hid” the pepperoni under the cheese so that she couldn’t tell how much was actually on the pie. I didn’t try the pepperoni side myself (meat does not belong on pizza!) so I can’t say anything about that.
The cheese bread was also luke-warm and was pretty bland. Your typical toasted thick bread covered in melted cheese and crappy marinara. The pieces were pretty small and while I ate it, I didn’t enjoy it at all. Another one in the yuck column for me.
While the deal we received looked great on paper it wasn’t worth it once it arrived at the door. With all the other choices for pizza in town (all chain, yay!) I won’t ever be calling Linwood Pizza again and I don’t suggest any of you do either. You’re far better off getting a frozen pizza, undercooking it yourself and eating that for $7 or less.
See all the pictures from our terrible Linwood Pizza delivery experience here (camera).
Dakota Complaints Map
Dakota Inmate Dashboard
Loading ...
February 21st, 2008 at 11:27 am
Hello Mister, I am also a customer of Linwood and I would have to disagree with the comments that you have made. I understand that you have the right to your opinion. But, I have been a loyal customer for over a year and I have always received great service and great food. You just happened to be the one customer that ended up with a crappy product and instead of calling brad and getting it taken care of, you decided to make a big stink about it on this website. Which by the way is pretty shitty considering you did not give him a chance to make it right, did you.
February 21st, 2008 at 11:32 am
Brad, if he was in his Apple Valley location at the time of my order, had the chance to make it right when the pizza left the store. If you honestly believe that you should only expect a decent meal after you complain, then you’re reading the wrong website.
Thanks for the comment.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
My friend and I had the same deal from Linwood Pizza in Savage and it was AWESOME!! We are actually going to order it again tonight. It was the BEST pizza that I have had in a long time. Thanks again Brad!!! :)
March 11th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
What passes for the “BEST” is really sub-par I guess :(
March 14th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Tonight we had a mushroom pizza from Ole Piper and it destroyed what we got from Linwood. Not only was it better tasting, it was also hot. What a concept!
March 19th, 2008 at 11:43 am
My family has been eating Linwood Pizza for years. It Rocks! Typically I like deep dish and Linwood has a thin crust but I love it! It’s the only thin crust pizza that weighs more than a deep dish because they LOAD on the toppings. And, if you watch them make your pizza in the store, you will see that they totally cover the pizza with pepperoni so much that they nearly touch. I asked once why they put them under the cheese and they said it’s because they put so many other toppings on and so much cheese that they would burn before everything else got cooked. Made sense to me. Personally, I like the little squares because they are easier to eat with so many toppings.
Yes, in the past 3 or 4 years that we’ve been eating Linwood Pizza, I have to admit that we have gotten some slow delivery times and cold pizza. I don’t like cold pizza anymore than you. But I have called and they did make it right! Maybe they get too busy occasionally because lots of people like their pizza.
Lastly, how can you anyone take you seriously for pizza reviews if you state that meat does not belong on pizza? Come on!
March 19th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Stacy,
1. I’m thrilled it has been great for you.
2. I don’t do repeats and based on the comments here that state I didn’t give them a chance, well, I’m glad that people out there are willing to call up, complain, and wait for another pizza to arrive — I don’t.
3. The meat thing was a joke, sorry that I wasn’t clear.
June 16th, 2008 at 7:01 am
[...] pizza arrived in exactly 39 minutes and was still quite warm as opposed to Linwood Pizza in Apple Valley which is quite a bit closer, took longer, and was cold when it arrived. Their [...]
July 10th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Just thought that Bill would like to know that Linwood Pizza was just voted the Best pizza in Apple Valley by all of the people who live there. I guess Bill isnt quite the genius that he makes himself out to be. I guess anyone can have a website if they have a computer and an opinion, right Bill.
July 10th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Josh, with the wide range of Apple Valley pizza options and the previous Best Of Apple Valley listings which had such gems as “Best Place for a Child’s Party” (which was McDonald’s), I guess it just goes to show how absolutely fucking worthless that “title” is.
As for your snarky comment, congrats, you’re in the running for biggest douchebag in Apple Valley award!
July 11th, 2008 at 9:58 am
We took Linwood up on the free mailer offer this week.
First, I was impressed with the mailer and the effort to generate business. So many places just dont do crap and wonder why they fail.
Second, the pizza was ok. It was not my favorite. Ours was hot and fresh. The salad was fresh and crisp. The cheesebread had WAY to much garlic and was kinda soggy. Not so good.
What really impressed me though was a call from Brad (I guess it was him), the next day asking how it was. Its nice to see someone making an effort imo.
All that said, the pizza was decent, and we were really impressed with the effort to bring in business and follow up. Really impressed. We will probably get it again if we have a coupon or something, but we will still get most of our Pizza from Ronnaly’s in Woodbury (I work over there), Red Savoy in Eagan (my wife works there), Old Chicago (I love the meat me and the double deckeroni), or if we want an afternoon out, at Fat Lorenzo’s or Punch. I only list our favorites as I think it gives an idea of how my taste buds function.
July 11th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Chad, it is nice to hear that they do care and that the pizza was at least hot when it got to you — a big improvement over what I experienced but hearing all of this is still not enough to get me to go back to them. Oh well.
I’ve never had Red Savoy. You obviously enjoy it, is it better than the Double Deckeroni (which I haven’t had in years but man, when I did, I loved that fucker).
July 11th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Red Savoy (the one in Eagan) is really good imo. I do however like meat on a pizza. Its good thin crust Pizza. We enjoy it. I dont think its better than the Double Deckeroni, just different. The double deckeroni is a ton of pepperoni, a slightly spicy sauce (or maybe its thier pepperoni) and its deap dish. Red Savoy has a good greasy pepperoni pizza, but we have always had thin crust, so not sure which is better, we kinda choose based on what we are in the mood for, although we dont have Pizza more than once every month or two.
I dont blame you for not going back. My wife and I went to Enjoy the week they opened. We had an awful experience. We spoke to a manager about it. He did not seem to care. Did nothing for us, really did not even appologize. We have NEVER been back. We eat out often, several times per week, and often at nicer places but we just refuse to go back. And yes, we realize that its probalby the premier place in the south metro now, and we are probalby missing out, but sometimes you have to stick to your guns!
July 11th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Chad, it might be the nicest place in the area but it’s certainly not good enough to worry about missing out on something.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Big fan of their pizza. It’s too bad you’ve had a bad experience. They have always made an effort to satisfy their customers, while providing an excellent product.
Why not give them another shot? Up to you I guess. I grew up near their first location, and have been eating their pizza off and on since I was young.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Thomas,
Because even if the pizza had been warm it still wouldn’t have been good pizza. I realize that people in Minnesota have a different idea of pizza than I do but it’s just not that good.
I’d much prefer to give my business to any number of other places around town that serve it much closer to what I want a pizza to be.
Thanks for the comment!
September 14th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
If I were in the Apple Valley /Eagan area I’d make my way to The Italian Pie Shoppe. The Basta family has perfected the pie and linwood’s recipe is pretty basic. ex. bagged seasoning from Roma that any low life cook can mix into some tomato paste. Big secret shhh. If you have good taste buds you can probably find the exact same taste at hundreds of parlors around the state. The secret to the dough is parm. cheese mixed into the dough. I myself thought the crust was boring.
The cheese bread comes from the linstrom area baker, add alittle melted LARD and shake the garlic salt and add alittle cheese and thats what you get.
Wings are hormel that you can buy at cub and get 3 times the money for what they sell. On top of that the total cost to make this so called Legend is under $4.00 for a pizza they sell for 18.99. Not a bad markup of 450%.
Enough said, It’s not the worst and not the best by far.
The above comment by Josh Hanson is part owner
September 14th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I have no idea what that comment means.
September 16th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
hey that josh hansen owns linwood, the pizza from isanti location sucked like bill said, and it shows, the isanti linwood never paid the rent and is out of buisness, according to the posting on the door from the isanti county sheriffs office, so take that mr. family pizza linwood , oh thats brads kids,becky and josh bla bla bla, dont buy linwood, nasty
September 16th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
no josh, not just anyone can have a website, you dont have one, are you someone, apparently not. got the shaft from isanti linwood about 3 times, then spread the word, word travels fast in isanti county…. see ya
September 17th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
A comment was removed due to a violation of the ll.org TOS.
Oh and for the douchebag that thinks he runs this site, keep it to yourself ok? I don’t really give a fuck what you think, say or do and I will continue to ban your IP and e-mail addresses — you might as well stay off, you are not welcome here.
When I can get around to deleting posts that are auto-approved, I will, ok?
September 18th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Thank you for removing that vile, angry post. I sensed that shortly after posting it, the person felt a little ashamed. I hear the person is planning a quiet weekend away to calm down.
October 6th, 2008 at 12:43 am
Kyle,
Linwoodpizzamn.com has been around for 2 years now. Yes, anyone can have a website. Including Bill here.
November 11th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Here’s the text of an e-mail I received today. It was so heart felt and moving that I decided to share it with all of you:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Whoa! I have never seen you endorse arson on this site. That is just plain wrong.
November 11th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Well, maybe they can replace it with a Chili’s.
November 11th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
I’ll get the matches…
December 21st, 2008 at 6:09 pm
My wife and I tried Lindwood Pizza the other night. We were kinda disappointed. We had a large pizza and cheese bread. The food was good. After we re heated it in our microwave. The pizza was luke warm (at best) and the cheese bread was cold.
he delivery guy called me to ask where we lived. OItold him and he said he’d be right there. 25 minutes latter he had still not arrived so I called him back thinking maybe he got lost. He said he wasn’t lost, but had some other pizza to deliver 1st. He obviously tried to load up his car with too many deliveries to get them all there hot!
As I said, the the food was good once I re heated it. But, I don’t think I should have to do that. There are plenty of pizza places around here that deliver pizza that is hot. Delivering cold food is not a way to get repeat business. I don’t know if we will give Linwood another chance or not.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
i’ve always enjoyed linwood, and have never had any problems with the service.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
in fact i’m ordering some right now!
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:45 pm
The Apple Valley location is closed. (Interestingly enough, Linwood’s website says there are 5 locations, but only 4 are listed, including the closed AV.) The Lakeville location might deliver to Apple Valley — they did deliver to Farmington.
August 21st, 2009 at 7:56 am
[...] that this place is located very close to a local pizza chain that is so very dear to my heart, Linwood Pizza. I also thought it would be interesting to note that I passed another Asian restaurant, Mei Fun, [...]
September 24th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
The main Linwood sign has been replaced by a Chanticlear Pizza sign, and signs in the windows say it’ll be open soon (now hiring).
December 17th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Wow Bill! You sound like a real turd! Just because you had a cold pizza and it was cut into squares you had to go off like a frickin’ idiot. Linwood pizza is the BOMB!! It is the only place that when I call to order they know me by name and what I like to order. I am totally bummed that the south of the river stores closed! I miss my friday night pizza!
December 17th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Diane,
Wow, they’re closed? Good to know that I wasn’t the only one who thought their pizza fucking sucked.
December 17th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Oh my. Hey, Bill, great idea for a poll. Is Bill or is Bill not a turd?:)
Heehee.
December 18th, 2009 at 8:52 am
what does a turd sound like? i’ve seen a lot of varous turds in my lifetime but never paid any attention to what they sounded like. maybe a ‘kerplunk, splash, sizzle’ or some other descriptive word. i know who could probably help, MSPD! he’d be my choice to help define what a turd sounds like, then we can have the poll;
does bill SOUND like a turd?
does bill not SOUND like a turd?
not look like, SOUND like:)
bb
December 18th, 2009 at 9:48 am
I’m not sure if I should be honored or offended that you think I’m an expert on the sound of turds.
December 18th, 2009 at 9:51 am
I mean, I’m the one who’s being called a turd right? And since it takes one to know one, I suppose I should be the resident expert on this topic.
Personally I think a turd sounds a lot like when you say the words “Diane Hales” out loud. Try it, compare it and report back if you agree with my expert assessment please. Thanks.
December 18th, 2009 at 10:30 am
I think it is funny how bent out of shape people get about reviews that are based on someones experience and taste. Especially here a pizza place. I have been to pizza places that folks rave about and even sat next to them a they were raving, and yet I could barely stand it to swallow a bite. I’m sure the opposite is true for pizza I would love. Everyone’s idea of how pizza should taste seems to be formed by their past experience, and thus one persons turd is another persons fertilizer.
December 18th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Sorry Bill…the deuce I just dropped sounded a bit more like Mayor Kautz talking with a little “whoosh” of hot air at the end like when Hamann-Roland opens her piehole.
December 18th, 2009 at 10:35 am
MSPD, did it smell like Gustafson?
December 18th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Of course not Bill. Mine always smell like roses.
December 18th, 2009 at 10:57 am
reminds me of an OutKast song, say the chorus for Roses:
December 18th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
MSPD, i think your underwater monument to both lizzy and hr mary tells it all!
and you should be honored!
bb
February 13th, 2010 at 11:52 am
I just wanted to say i love pizza and have tried them all.
like some, and and dont like some as much.
having said that i have received cold ones hot ones even dropped ones but i ate them all. I have had about 50 pizza’s from linwood pizza. and a couple were cold but still good, they get pretty busy at times. Any ways i love the pizza i get from linwood pizza and i even have asked them to cut the pizza in pie shapes, THEIR COMMENT ON THIS WAS ( NO PROMBLEM) also i have got some cold food from my wife in the past but i dont hate her or dwell on it.
got to go and get some cold pizza out of the frig