Wienery originally uploaded by Dave Glad
Two weekends ago we were watching TV and on came Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives (YouTube). They were in Minneapolis visiting The Wienery and took their viewers on a wild ride through a variety of menu items which including everything from Chicago dogs up through super spicy hot dogs and burgers with homemade fries. Without a hot dog joint in Apple Valley any longer, and being a big Chicago dog fan, The Wife noted she wanted to try it and soon.
We made two trips on back to back days, mostly because my pictures from the first night didn’t turn out and honestly because we had so much fun that I wanted to make sure it wasn’t just a fluke. With this ridiculous time change nonsense the street was dark but the inside of the restaurant was darker. On both days there were either no others or only a few others besides us and the two working the counter and the kitchen. We took over one of the few tables running against one wall and parallel to the red stools spinning at the counter. I pulled out a chair for myself and laughed out loud. Not only was the backrest broken and the chair lopsided but the majority of the chair itself looked as if it had made it through tours in Vietnam, both Gulf Wars, and a couple of tours dealing with roadside bombs in Afghanistan for good measure (it was Veteran’s Day, sorry, I had to get the joke in there). It wasn’t only my chair however, each and every chair in the place was on its last legs, literally.
It wasn’t only the chairs though. Every last little bit of The Wienery is broken and/or severely beaten down in some way, shape, or form. The stools lining the counter wobble ever so greatly when your son spins them for fun. The stereo perched precariously atop shelving and teetering with every nudge of the dial to change the playing tunes, was missing a tape deck door and had another permanently ajar. It looked like a salvage unit from a local thrift store. The all original kitsch behind the counter and lining the shelving was dusty, slightly blackened with grease, and more or less filthy. The Wienery doesn’t appear to be child friendly at all when you first walk through the squeaky front door, however they may just surprise you with a pile of dingy children’s books, a box of dinosaurs and Matchbox cars, and some other random kids toys which were clearly rejects from Goodwill and definitely should not have been in my child’s mouth but found themselves there, several times, anyway. On both nights the restaurant was absolutely packed with children including Saturday when another family of three wandered in from the street with their kids in tow and the father smiling widely while he wife sat nervously looking around at the sight before her.
We took hold of the scuzzy menus and looked over the items described by MSPD as the King’s Place of hot dogs. On Friday The Wife went with her beloved Chicago dog. I ordered a Tasmanian Devil dog (spicy!) with a spicy Italian sausage and a 1/3 pound, hand-formed, Selamu Burger (hot as you want it with hot peppers and garlic inside). We got a plain dog for The Rooster and a plate of their Picnic Fries (coleslaw, baked beans, and cheese). While the online menu prices don’t match up to reality, everything was still very inexpensive. Think $3.25 for a 1/3 lb hamburger–probably why he can’t afford new chairs however I’d be fine with standing with my shoulder against the wall if I had to if it means cheap and good eats! On Saturday we had another Chicago dog, another plain dog for The Roo, a Picnic Dog, a Philly Cheesesteak, and another order of Picnic Fries.
Just about everything is made to order. That includes chopping onions, garlic, potatoes and peppers for your meal (seriously if you haven’t watched the YouTube clip of the DDD episode linked at the top of the post, do so now, I’ll wait). While the episode made it seem like they make coleslaw to order too, they weren’t willing to make some on our first visit which was the only disappointment of the evening. Both The Wife’s fries and my burger were supposed to come with it and neither did and that put a bit of a damper on both items but not even close to enough for me to care all that much. On our second visit I asked in advance if they had coleslaw and they did, yay!
The Chicago dog was good says The Wife. If she had let me take a look at it before she devoured it I might have been able to tell you if it had everything it was supposed to have. Her fries, topped with tons of cheese and baked beans, looked a little sad without the creamy coleslaw we hoped for. However they were homemade, fresh from the large vat of oil bubbling on the stove, and were incredibly good. Coming from someone who finds little value in fries, you should take this as your cue to run to The Wienery if you’re a fry fan.
My Tasmanian Devil dog was deep fried and then grilled. While a little more cooked than I would normally like, it didn’t bother me in the slightest as I bit into the spicy brat. All by its lonesome it was already hot but coupled with the pile of freshly chopped habaneros topping the dog, this was definitely hot enough to make me whistle through my teeth and gain the surprised look of Joey’s wife who seemed genuinely impressed that it was hot enough for me. My burger was similarly yummy. While no award winners here, it was flavorful and spicy but would have been absolutely to die for with the missing coleslaw. Next time I’ll double the patty just for the heck of it. Mmm mmm good.
The Picnic Fries and Picnic Dog with the coleslaw were perfect. The slaw is soupy, creamy, and sweet. When coupled with the salty goodness of the fresh fries and Vienna dogs, the sweetness really helps to balance it all out perfectly. While I’ve had coleslaw on top of fries and hot dogs before, The Wienery is in a class all by its lonesome. I generally dislike coleslaw when I eat out but this stuff had me clamoring for more.
When I finally had a chance to look up and wipe away the tears running down my cheeks from the habaneros, I noticed that we had been dining under a large and delightfully bright photo of two grasshoppers mating. Coupled with the gigantic sailfish (said to have paid for two Philly cheesesteaks) hanging above it and the deer head mounted beside it wearing a hot dog between its antlers and a pin covered tie around its neck (also used in trade), we were dining in some pretty fine company. However they were nothing compared to the trucker hat behind the counter spitting out the phrase, “Jesus is my homeboy!” and the hundreds of armbands from what appeared to be the Hennepin County Jail. Apparently The Wienery is the first place jailbirds head after being released. Joey hit it on the head when he said we finally found a place with lower decorator standards than the Windmill Cafe.
When it was all said and done we paid about $18 and $23 for our meals before tip (tax is included in all prices on the menu but please note that they are cash only) and I must admit that while I love fine dining and will go to great lengths to enjoy it, I don’t think I have had as much fun at a restaurant as I did Friday and Saturday evenings when I stepped into the Wienery with The Wife, The Rooster, Joey, MSPD and their families. I cannot wait to go back again and again and not only do I suggest you get over there yourself, I demand it!
Have you ever eaten at The Wienery in Minneapolis? If so what did you think about it? What did you order and what do you plan on ordering in the future? Do dives scare you or do you seek them out and revel in them like I do? What other places around town do you know could pass for a junkyard but serve great food? Whatever you have to say about this one go ahead and comment on as I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Address:
Wienery
414 Cedar Ave S
Minneapolis, MN 55454-1033
Phone:
612-333-5798
Hours:
Monday to Friday: 8 AM to 8 PM
Saturday and Sunday: 9 AM to 8 PM
See all the pictures from The Winery on Flickr here.
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November 14th, 2011 at 7:47 am
I’m so disappointed I didn’t know about this place while attending the U of M. It’s convenient and cheap, which is everything a poor grad student desires. And now I learn that it’s delicious to boot. I plan on making up for lost time now that I know. The Manhattan hot dog will probably be my first pick, along with fries of course. Yum.
November 14th, 2011 at 8:11 am
No trip to the Wienery is complete without asking to use the bathroom, which is a walk into the kitchen, down some stairs into a dungeon so foreboding that even the Soap Factory haunted house team could not conjure up.
I am a big fan, though I always feel as if I will never have the real experience until I wander in there partially inebriated at 1:30 am on a Saturday night and plow into a bunch of hog dog wonderfulness.
November 14th, 2011 at 8:18 am
They’re only open until 8 PM.
November 14th, 2011 at 8:28 am
Seriously lefty, you aren’t kidding. Shortly after we got there, my daughter gave me the “daddy, I have to go potty”. We even got an encore when she had to go again later. The best part was that the toilet paper was a roll of paper towels that they had sawed into thirds to be roughly the size of a roll of TP. I am not kidding. First time I had seen that technique.
Here’s a “review” I wrote for the Wienery a couple years ago (for nobody in particular):
“It’s good to be a cow. Not a worry in the world except the minor humiliation of the way you look when you run and maybe getting waxed off the pasture by a stray bolt of lightning. You even live with the comfort of knowing that when it’s your time to go, your destiny is a meandering, scenic truck ride to the nearest town followed by a swift and painless whacking.
The bovine donor card is even to envy. Who wouldn’t want their best parts go to the best people? Tenderloin and porterhouse to the well-to-do upper crust steakhouse. Ribeyes, roasts and ribs to the ‘burbs. Throw in some ground beef for the masses.
But there’s a dirty little secret that slipped off the slaughterhouse packing list. One that leads out the back door of the butcher shop, down the street and up to the colorfully seedy Cedar Riverside neighborhood of Minneapolis. It’s a path of lips, assholes and other unmentionables that leads right into the kitchen of The Wienery.
For the uninitiated, The Wienery has all of the trappings of a Relais et Chateau or Mobil Four Star establishment. The staff is quick with a full roll of paper towels instead of the blase pre-torn kind. Some of the parking meters actually work. And for the environmentalist, you can probably find spare parts for your fixie in the alley next door. Even the deer head that keeps watch over the dining room is smartly decked out in its Sunday best hat and necktie.
But really, it’s what The Wienery does with the butcher block castoffs that constitutes the brilliance of the restaurant. The Wienery is without a doubt a hot dog lover’s gotta go place in the Twin Cities. Whether it’s the snap of a skin-on dog or the precise onion-to-peppers-to-tomatoes-to-bright green relish-to-mustard-to-celery salt-to-steamed poppy seed bun-ratio of a perfectly executed Chicago dog, The Wienery gets it right. The scratch-made chili, the brats and Polish and even the greasy dive-diner breakfast they serve all day bring the place to a whole other plateau.
But fitting to the bottom-of-the-barrel cow parts that the menu of The Wienery worships, the best-of-the-best just may be the one listed at the bottom of the menu. They call it “The Upsetter”.
The Upsetter is three squares all in one nice, six-inch, tubular package. Maybe four if you count the late night post-bar munchie fix. It’s a good quality hot dog, rolled in a bacon strip and griddled, then blanketed with an egg cooked to order. You can have your egg done however you want, but The Upsetter just begs for over-easy. The yolk captured in a packet of egg white, but oozing at each bite, creating a perfect flavor and textural balance. All delivered in the Wienery’s steamed poppy seed bun.
Oh, did I mention the fries? Ordered by the number of potatoes, they cut the things to order and dump them into hot oil that bubbles on the gas stove all day long. They are stellar. Caution if you suffer from high blood pressure though — they don’t hold back with the salt. Keep a glass of water or a small river handy.
If you can’t live the free and easy life of a cow, the next best thing might be getting over to The Wienery and eating one. Moo.
November 14th, 2011 at 8:39 am
So much for assumptions. Since every time I have been there it has been virtually empty, I just figured that the late night scene is where they make all the profits that they obviously sink back into the decor.
November 14th, 2011 at 8:45 am
Ate there some while I attended the U. The prices have gone up and the quality has gone down, unfortunately. It’s definitely an experience, though.
And remember: CASH.
November 14th, 2011 at 9:28 am
lefty,
let me see, 0130 am, ‘slightly inebriated’, (no one is ‘slightly inebriated’ at 0130 btw), wandering around cedar riverside, banging on the wienery’s front door.
what could possibly be wrong with this picture:)
bb
November 14th, 2011 at 9:30 am
bbs, believe it or not, that actually does look a lot like lefty.
November 14th, 2011 at 9:30 am
I’ve been there once, and I have no desire to return. There’s a difference between being a greasy dive and being fucking gross. The Wienery definitely crosses the line IMO. I don’t think I have high standards of cleanliness, but I could hardly stand being in the place – and mounted heads on the wall is a turnoff regardless of cleanliness.
I feel like the only reason people like it is because it lets them feel like they’re slumming it, like the time in college when they dated that one girl with the tattoos and track marks because it made them feel cool.
That doesn’t mean the food isn’t good. I didn’t think it was that great, but it wasn’t bad either.
November 14th, 2011 at 10:22 am
We’ve been. It’s been too long though. We need to get back there.
November 14th, 2011 at 10:27 am
Patrick S, I’d encourage you to give it another shot. I can’t speak to the prices going up but there was a time where they had gone “downhill”, enough that I put up a post about it on Chowhound several years back. I think it was during one of the times when they were close to being shut down, had some ownership turnover, and things were kind of a mess. I mentioned to Bill that on one visit, they had switched to frozen fries, which was a travesty. Thankfully, the quality is as good as it has ever been (in my opinion and based on going there since the early 90s). I’m glad I didn’t rule it out after a couple less-exciting experiences.
Reuben, when the tattooed girl is an immaculate housecleaner, is a prolific cook, and gives a spectacular blowjob…well, I’m OK with a few track marks. But, yeah…this girl ain’t for everyone. I won’t argue with you there.
November 14th, 2011 at 11:03 am
Why should we care about her cooking and housecleaning ability?
November 14th, 2011 at 11:16 am
Excellent point lefty.
November 14th, 2011 at 11:18 am
I just want to make sure we’re all clear that there is definitely no housecleaning happening anywhere near the Wienery.
November 14th, 2011 at 11:46 am
I wiped down the toilet seat before my daughter sat on it. Does that count?
November 14th, 2011 at 11:48 am
@MSPD – you probably only removed the last 15 years or so of grime buildup.
November 14th, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Interesting. I had some people come from out of town on business shortly after that had been on the Dinners, Drive In and Dives and they wanted to go there. I had a previous engagement that night so didn’t go with them. They were not too impressed by either the food or the atmosphere. Perhaps it just wasn’t what they were expecting as from the sounds of the review the food should have been better that what they said it was.
November 14th, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Patti, what were they expecting for what they paid–gastronomic genius? I paid less there for two people than I have paid for one at McDonald’s.
November 14th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Bill–Beats me what they were expecting :-) Probably thought since it had been on TV it was a gourmet joint. I had never been there or seen the show, so had no advice to give them on what it would be like. They are kind of–let’s see–how do I put this—”delicate” so I’m sure they were expecting something different. They didn’t complain about the prices, but of course, when you are on per diem, the less you spend on food, the more you have left to spend on beer!!
November 14th, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I’m not really shocked by anyone’s reaction to this place. Reuben’s reaction is understandable as is MSPD’s (and mine). I love a dive. I love the character it brings. As long as they aren’t sitting pretty with a load of Health Dept. violations, I have no complaints. My wife won’t be asking to go back, so I’ll have to settle for a trip back on my own or with friends. I need to get my grubby hands on some of those fries again!
BTW, if you walk into a place with a plastic marlin, photo of grasshoppers mating, and chairs that literally look like they went through 3 wars (Bill did not write that for effect…it was simply the only honest way to describe them) and you’re expecting anything more than what this place delivers, your expectations are far higher than mine.
November 14th, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Patti, fair enough and believe me, I get the per diem :)
But, if they had been paying attention to the show the host starts it out by saying, “this is definitely a dive!”
November 14th, 2011 at 1:50 pm
There are people that appreciate this type of place and there are those that don’t Patti. Most people that watch those shows are really looking for Mickey’s Dining Car, not an honest-to-goodness dive, or are the suckers that will pay $10 for a “kobe beef hot dog”.
The Wienery isn’t putting out any kind of magical food. A hot dog isn’t exactly a terrine of foie gras. But The Wienery’s hot dogs snap when you bite into them and the steamy, pillowy poppy seed bun is above average. Same with the Polish which bursts with flavor when you snap into it.
Then, like Bill said, they prepare most everything from scratch. When I got there and was waiting for Bill, one of the guys was chopping onions and adding it to a big simmering skillet on the stove (chili). The other guy was working on some other mise en place. The Chicago dog is going to have a pickle sliced to order, a tomato sliced to order, an onion sliced to order, etc. Your fries will be cut to order.
My oldest kid wanted hot peppers in his omelet. A short while after they brought it out, the guy came over with a small plate of freshly diced habaneros, saying he had forgotten to put them in the omelet. Not some crap out of a can…an actual habanero he had just chopped up.
That means a lot to me, even in a $3.50 hot dog or $5 omelet. It’s more effort than a lot of mainstream places put into their food. Plus, the dudes that work there are really nice people.
Anyway, the long and the short of it is: Set expectations accordingly. Don’t send people there unless they know what the place is about.
November 14th, 2011 at 1:54 pm
I am still in shock that MSPD’s kid rivals me in hot pepper eating. He’s 1/3 my age or less!
November 14th, 2011 at 2:04 pm
That one’s the milk man’s kid, Bill.
November 14th, 2011 at 3:20 pm
I’ve had a “gift certificate” for this place for more than a year (given by a friend who is buying, not from them) but never made it down. Always wanted to try it though.
November 14th, 2011 at 8:19 pm
The episode with this place in it was what got me interested in the idea that some places are out there that really care about the food they produce. It happened to catch the replay on a day when I was home sick. I couldn’t believe the effort the guy went through for each order. Compare that, heck the stuff on the food trucks even and the crap that comes out of many of the places at the State Fair Grounds.
I can see why those that use purell at every door know would be against such a quaint environment. I can even see why those that just wash their hands every other time they use the restroom might not enjoy the atmosphere. That said, I can’t imagine that it isn’t worth it to throw on that full body condom and give it a shot once or twice a year.
Keep food safety high, and make good food, seems fine to me. Nice review Bill. Gives some other places an idea of what it takes to actually be good. Good food, at a fair price.
November 15th, 2011 at 4:32 pm
True to my word (see Comment 1 above), I treated myself to the Manhattan hot dog and Drive-in Fries for lunch today. How could I not, after reading this glowing review.
It was a perfect day for a hot dog, though it seemed almost not meant to be as I battled my way through chatty coworkers, painfully slow-moving skyway walkers, a basement ATM, and an LRT eager to leave me behind (thank you kind gentleman for risking life and limb to keep the door ajar).
I was prepared for the restaurant experience, or so I thought. In real life I found the place not as dirty as I had imagined, but somehow even smaller, and sort of drab. I figured with such fancy fixins as a deer head, grasshoppers mating, and prison wrist bands adorning the place that it would be almost Technicolor. Definitely not so.
The food, though, was everything that was promised. The fries especially blew me away. There was a perfect mixture of thin crispy ones and big fat ones. Even without the chili, cheese, and coleslaw they were delicious, though it was difficult to find one without as the toppings were quite substantial. I probably would have enjoyed them even more with a little more salt, but I didn’t realize that until I had nearly finished inhaling them.
The bun was the best I’ve had, and I really enjoyed the flavor of the hot dog. In a perfect world the chili would have been hotter. I’m not sure if it came out room temp, or if I just didn’t notice until I picked up the dog again after having a fair number of fries. Still, it was close enough to perfect for me, and I’ll definitely go again.
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